holiday games

We spent since Tuesday in Seattle with Carl's dad. I learned to play Yahtzee. I was really bad at first because I'd never played before. I learned though and eventually did really well. Yahtzee!

If you haven't played, you should learn. It's barrels of fun!

PS, barrels makes me think of Barrel of Monkeys which was a dumb game to me. You always lose monkeys and then the game's worthless.

continued

Okay. Oakland is scary.

We walked to In-and-Out burger which was roughly a mile from our hotel. No big deal. It'll be nice to get out of our hotel. Well, okay. I almost got hit by a car on the way there. Then while we were waiting for our food, I have my arm on the back of my seat and this creeeeepy man puts his hand on my arm and isn't moving it. I'm instantly like, what are you doing, and take his hand off my arm. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of ways to defend myself and then run. This guy says, "Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were my grand-daughter." I say, "Okay." And this dude continues to explain why he thought I was his grand-daughter. Dude, I don't care, just get away from me. I was completely freaked out. It totally ruined my meal. Then I see him outside with his family pointing at me and explaining what happened and they're laughing. Sir, I don't think it's funny. Go away.

There's a fight outside when we leave. We walk quickly. This is going to sound so horrible and I know that and I'm disappointed in myself for thinking it, but it's honest. We were 2 of 10 white people we saw on our outing. I felt really unsafe. Part of this may be because Josh (our new friend) told us that Oakland is the murder capitol of the US. Gee wiz dude, don't tell me that. So then I'm paranoid our entire walk and wondering if everyone has a gun. That's awful. I know. But it was my reaction to our situation. We walked quickly back to our hotel as it was getting colder, starting to drizzle and get dark. I feel really bad that the main reason I felt unsafe was because of someone's skin color and the way they were dressed. We almost got hit by a garbage truck on the walk back. It seemed like he sped up when we crossed the street.

Okay. We spent the night in our hotel room and ate in the restaurant downstairs again and then watched A&E shows. I love my Intervention and stumbled on a new show, Manhunters. It's tight. I slept SOOO great (which was nice for a change) and woke up to blueberry muffins we purchased on our walk.

We're packing up to leave, take the shuttle, and chill in the airport. Wait. Wait. Wait. The zipper on my luggage just broke. The broke where it comes off track you know? And then it starts opening....ah! What am I going to do! It was on the bottom of my bag too. Great. So we go downstairs, ask the front desk when the shuttle will be here and if they can take us to WalMart to get a new bag. They say sure. Shew! While I had to sell my soul to WalMart (my first purchase at WM in 3 years) to freaking TRY to fly for the 4th time, it was worth it.

Now we're sitting at our gate, crossed fingers and toes that we're leaving for real this time. So far, so good.

PS-plan update. We're flying into Seattle to stay with Carl's dad and step-mom till Monday (so great!) and then taking the Amtrak to Portland on Monday morning. Now if everything will just not cancel, we'll be good. New Years in Portland wasn't planned, but is happenin'. We'll make the best of 7 extra days in the Northwest. It probably won't be that hard.

Bless you for thinking of us as we travel this journey. It's been CRAAAZY! If I don't get to talk to you again,

Merry Chrismahannahquanica to you and Happy Festivas for the rest of us.

jinx

Okay, here's been the adventure since Saturday morning.

1st-We were supposed to leave Thursday and were cancelled due to fog in OKC. No worries, there's only the worst snow/ice storm ever to hit the Northwest starting Friday.

2nd-Saturday. We get to the airport early, check-in, security, on the plane to KC connecting to Denver. We land in Denver. Sweet. Hardly any snow on the ground. Okay, for all of us staying on the plane to go to PDX they tell us there will be about an hour delay. Carl goes and grabs us some lunch while I stay on the plane. I ask our flight attendant, "Is there any way this flight will be cancelled?" She says, "Oh no, this is a full-flight, they won't do that." I'm fairly confident in her answer. They say it may be up to a 2 hour delay. Okay...as long as we get there. I'll wait all day. Okay, about 5 bites into lunch, the guy comes on again and says, "I hate to make you move your lunch." I look at him like, "What do you mean?" And then I know. "It's cancelled isn't it." "Yes." Great. We get off the plane, there's already a line of about 75 people. We get in line, Carl goes to talk to a flight attendant from our flight to ask what the best option is. He says to call the 1-800 number. Okay. We stay in line, call the number, end up rescheduling our flight for the next day from Denver, to Oakland, to PDX. Luckily, I have family in Co. Springs. We rented a car for only $20!!! and drove to stay with them. They have a small BBQ business so we had brisket and ribs and fixings. We were soooo full and sit by the fire and go to bed early.

3rd-Sunday. Wake up, eat more great food (omelets and biscuits and gravy) and hit the road back to Denver. We were told to get there early because we would have to go through additional security measures. No prob. We get there and are told that there is a weather advisory and are risking not making it to PDX. Duh dude, like we haven't learned that yet. Okay, through security, no problem, plenty of time to go pee-pee, grab a snack, and hang out. Board the plane, we check SW's website, our flight to PDX says it's On Time. We luck out with an exit row, a nice row companion from Oakland, and land. Okay, we make it off the plane. Cancelled. &@*#(@!*!@#&$&*@&!*2!!!! We got in line (short this time) and asked to re-schedule. She doesn't know what she's doing so we go to get on the 1-800 number again. Bless the sweet grandma lady that has been on our flights since KC. We'd talked about driving in line in Denver that morning. She offers to pay for a rental car if we decide to drive to Portland. It was awkward. We tell her we're going to go make some calls and get road conditions. We talk to Carl's family, they offer to come pick us up. It's a 10 hour drive. We think, maybe we'll drive 1/2 way so it's not as bad. Then, we find out 2 mountain passes on the way are closed. Great. We go tell the grandma lady, give her a number we'd gotten from another traveler that morning who was going to drive and our number. I guess she made a plan. We get a flight to Seattle for Tuesday morning, (Portland, the soonest was Christmas Day.) Okay, we go to get a rental car. Enterprise has no cars. We love Enterprise. The cheapest rental car for just 1.5 days is $412 with National. Ohhhh, gosh. And we have to get a hotel on top of that. No thanks. We met another traveler named Josh in the rental place who's in the same position. We decide we're going to get a hotel room. We go to the same hotel. He'd gotten a rental car already and was going to drive the 101 up the coast to his parents which is a 16-18 hour drive. He offered to take us. We decide we'd rather take a day off to rest and re-group and try to fly out Tuesday. We all ate together in the hotel restaurant and chatted a while. He even paid for our meal. What a saint! Turns out he's a pretty interesting guy and a fellow "believer" as he put it. It was a great break in the clouds to make a friend on this crazy journey.

4th-Monday Wake up. I'm hungry. I call the front desk to ask how long the continental breakfast is. She says, "We don't have a continental breakfast." WHAAAATTT? Okay, re-group. Vending machine. Yes, it'll have something. I find only a soda machine. I ask a cleaning lady. She says, "There isn't one....but I think there's something by the front desk." I go to the front desk. I find juice....and candy. I get juice. I find a granola bar in my bag. Score! Now we're sitting in our bed watching CNN and listening to how bad it is in the Northwest and trying to keep our already shattered hopes high of making it out tomorrow.

So help me...I don't know what we'll do if we can't get out of here. One more night in Oakland. Luckily we have some brisket and ribs in a goodie bag from my family in Co. Springs. LUNCH!


Click your heels for us. We are nearing the end of our positive attitudes.

people watchery

So, we get to the airport, get our bags, go inside. OH NO. Where does the line for Southwest start and stop? We start walking, keep walking, still walking, "Sir, is this the line for Southwest?" Yes. Keep walking...finally, but the United desk, the end of the line. (The line grows to the next airline counter...masses of people.)

By this point, I'm facing the fact that we're not making our flight. I figure our flight is delayed. We made it up to the actual posts where the line starts and then it happens, "Unless you are on flight @#*$ to Dallas, your flight has been cancelled. Please call the 1-800 number to reschedule your flight." Oh great. We get out of line, kind of laughing at everyone, call the number, on hold for a few minutes, flight rescheduled for Saturday morning. Not ideal, but it works.

Okay, so the couple in line behind us was already fighting when they got in line. Something about their boarding passes which she had printed offline or something. Then we find out our respective flights are canceled, the husband loses it. He starts off with the cussing and how they'll have to wait forever for a ride since they're from out of town, they won't get to Phoenix, this is the worst thing ever, blah blah blah. He keeps walking off and then coming back and saying something to his wife dramatically and then does it again. We are trying not to laugh because he's acting like a 4 year old. We move outside to wait for Thomas to pick us up, and watch as TSA employees inform those getting out of their cars that all flights have been canceled. We told a guy as we were getting in our car as he was saying goodbye to his friends and the disappointment on his face was priceless. We watched this again and again while inside and outside. I don't know why I found hilarity in others misery today, but it was glorious.

And now, this is happening.

We leave in 52 hours for 11 days in the Northwest. I know 4 of the 3 pictures are from the beach, but I'm the most excited about seeing the ocean again. After all, it's only my 3rd time to see it. We've got lots of fun things planned and I'm looking forward to getting more acquainted with Portland and Seattle. We may luck into a white Christmas which would be great.


Here's to festivus, family, friends, and food! I hope your holiday is one with lots of memories and that we all remember that the only reason we have what we have is by the grace of God.

PS, watch the video at the bottom. It has been inspirational in my family's life over the last 2 years.

irony?

"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right."

So, I went to the Neuro yesterday. He was very pleased with my progress. I was cleared to drive. He encouraged me to go back to work. (I'm going to start part-time somewhere, I think full-time is still risky.)

And then...

I woke up to a partial seizure. It was followed by 5-6 (I couldn't keep track) within a few minutes. This is a huge and devastating disappointment. More so because I had the majority awake. This hasn't happened since June. 6 months ago. Great. Just when I was getting more comfortable with the idea of driving and actually driving...BAM. Why must the moon and tides torment me so! (That's for you, Maggie.) But seriously. It seems that I get over small and big hurdles and then there is a setback.

Honestly. It was not even 24 hours ago that I was in his office and happy and felt like things couldn't be better.


"Isn't it ironic; Don't you think?"

driver's ed.

So, I've been driving in little spurts since the last week of November. Yesterday I drove on the highway for the first time. It went pretty well. I stayed in the outside lanes just in case I would need to get off. (That was Bennett's idea since she would have to navigate if something happened.) Nothing happened, but you can't have too many safety plans...well, that's not really true, but you know what I mean.

It's been nerve-racking. I'm having to get used to the stimulation driving brings since I can get overstimulated easily sometimes. I've only driven at night a few times...it's a little harder because there's lots of lights and flashing signs. I'm getting more comfortable with it. It will just take time like everything else does with Epilepsy.

In other news I go to the doctor today for my 3-month check-up. Not expecting anything major.


P.S. I would light my whole house with white lights if it was possible. I'm in love with our Christmas tree at night.

pipes

I'm a pseudo fan of country music...more alternative country, folk, not whine-y or twangy. Anyway, I am watching a re-run of the CMA awards while I'm cleaning out my email inbox. I don't care what your feelings are about country music, you have got to give props to Carrie Underwood. She has got serious pipes. It looks so effortless for her. When she sings live, it's as good if not better than on her records. From a musical perspective, she has amazing control and stamina...for goodness sake, she sings at full voice higher than many can sing, period. Gee Wiz Carrie. You are #1 on my list of voices I wish I had. Here's her performance. PS, Taylor Swift, you could take a lesson from her.




Oh, and Vince Gill has packed on more pounds.

PS, I would take Allison Krauss or Martina any day too.

brilliance

Frank Warren is the founder of the Post Secret art project that has turned into an international phenomenon where anonymous people submit secrets on 4x6 postcards to Warren's house. Frank Warren tours the country speaking at college campuses as well as touring with the traveling art exhibit that displays hundreds of secrets. There are 4 books that are a compilation of secrets collected over the years.

Last night, Frank made his first trip to Oklahoma and spoke at OU. He showed secrets that didn't make it in the books for various reasons (mostly because they contained copyrighted material.) He spoke about how and why he started the project and how it's evolved since. The man is brilliant. He narrated everything so well. The main theme was how sharing/displaying secrets is so powerful because it connects and unifies us as humanity. Everyone has something or somethings that they keep to themselves and we have a choice; to keep it or to share it. With PostSecret, people have seen that they are not alone in their secret. Warren believes that loneliness is the greatest obstacle for all of us to overcome and by sharing secrets we find out that we are not alone.

At the close of the night, Warren opened it up for questions and secret sharing. There were some funny secrets and some serious ones and a few questions. These are 2 that stuck out to me.

"My parents divorced when I was 10 and I've lived with my dad since. My mom is on her 4th marriage and I avoid seeing or staying with her because she has ruined the idea of marriage for me."

"My mom died when I was 10 and her name was Penny. Every time I see a penny I turn it face-up."

I'd highly recommend you go to one of the PostSecret events. It was brilliant.

different name, same thing

"A stylish hands-free way to carry all your essentials! This textured faux leather waist purse features decorative antique finish metal studs on one of the exterior pockets, an adjustable waist strap, and a lined interior with 2 slip pockets and a single zip pocket."


Really? A waist purse? Don't you mean fanny pack? And last time I checked those were for 60+ who wear some form of a neon windsuit. And tourists.

shoppie

I really enjoy grocery shopping. I don't really know why...maybe because I love food. Maybe because I get a freakish joy out of deals and figuring out if it's cheaper to the family size or 2 of the regular.

Maybe it's also because I love the music played in grocery stores. It makes me dance. And lip sync.

I also like talking to my checker. Probably because when I was little my mom let us put away the groceries and we always pretended to be a checker before putting everything away.

I also enjoy putting everything away. It's like an organizing puzzle that I like figuring out.


I'm weird.

revealed

That's right. It's a 2006 Honda Element and it's ours and it's mostly paid for. We got a killer deal on it and couldn't have had a better car purchase experience.

Why this is so great is because we haven't had a reliable vehicle for most of the time we've been married. The blessed Buick was a nice car that served Carl well (and myself for about the last 6 months of my driving career,) but it has cost us lots of money. While we haven't had any car payments (his parents bought his, I purchased the Toyota in high school) for years, the Buick was sucking our pockets dry every 2 months with some new expensive hitch.

We finally reached our breaking point last week when the Buick started making new sounds (only 1 months after getting it out of the shop, mind you.) We didn't feel like we could look someone in the eye and tell them the Buick was a great car or hand them the maintenance records with confidence. So, we took less money for it than we could've if we'd sold it ourselves, but we got a great deal on the Element and we didn't have to feel bad about the Buick. That's what they call "win/win."

I'm working through some anger and control issues since I can't drive it and it's been my dream car for the last 4 years...I guess I'll forget all that when I have the clear from my Doc and I get to drive it.

I couldn't reveal until today because we're driving it to my sister's for T-Give and have been keeping it a secret from my family.

That's all! I hope the mystery was worth the wait!

the year was 2006...

...and great things were made that year.

I cannot fully divulge the contents of what was made that year that was so great but I can tell you that we are proud owners of something. I can tell you that it was the greatest day with no hiccups and no difficulties. I can also tell you that what has happened has been one of my greatest dreams and it has come true. (Please excuse the disney in that last sentence.)

No, I'm not pregnant. (Just in case you were trying to find a way to make that be what this is about.)

And no, it's not my coffee shop/art gallery/ music venue "Cup of Joe."

Keep guessing!

intro to sociology

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I miss school. I honestly never thought I would say that. Senior year, I don't even remember how many times I said, "I'm not going to miss this." or "I'm never going back to school." I've since changed my mind. I really miss learning. I miss having class discussions about things that actually matter.

There has been a facebook thread based off of someone's status regarding the movie The Inconvenient Truth. The person said it was proved to have 11 falsities and more misleading facts. Needless to say, this turned into a long discussion that started with the movie, moved to Obama and socialism, moved again to individual freedom, and now is to salvation. Shew! There's been over 50 comments between about 5-7 people. It's been really fun to participate in intellectual conversation about issues.

I was thinking back to my first day of Intro to Sociology. That class is responsible for changing my major from Theology to a multi-disciplinary degree of Sociology/Psychology/Theology. I wish I had just gone ahead and gone straight Sociology because a multi-disc degree is annoying to explain to a prospective employer who thinks it's a cop out. Anyway, that's not the point. I remember how that class motivated me and made me excited to learn more about it and to study and to write papers and get into the nitty gritty of issues. Graduation shut that motivation down. What I'm trying to say is that I guess I'm realizing the value of continuing your education, even if it's not going back to school.

In other news, I bought our first ever Christmas tree. I'm not calling it a Christmas tree though...I'm calling it a Hope tree. Instead of decorating it with things associated with Christmas (like Santa and red and green tinsel) we're going to put our hopes for the next year on it. After the holiday is over, we keep the hopes somewhere where we can see them through the next year. Anyway, I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in a long while.

if you want to...

...you can purchase either the old Java Joint or the old Firehouse Grill (most recently Harbor House) and let me turn it into the coolest coffee shop/local artist gallery/and live music venue that 39th has ever seen. I think I would call it "Cup of Joe" with the tagline "coffee, art, music; warmth, meaning, and community." You could earn "cups" towards free wi-fi after so many drink purchases. Think about it...

Student ID discounts.
Open mic-night.
Locally roasted coffee beans.
Bomb BLT's.


Think about it. Let me know. I'm ready when you are.

flying

I DID get to go to Michigan this weekend! WOO HOO! It was awesome; I'm so glad I went! No problems, no seizures...all is well. Oh, and it snowed the day we left. Oh, and their trees are the prettiest I've seen this year.

So, we flew. Duh. I forget how people act when they fly. We flew Northwest airlines, so they board "elite" first and then everyone else. So, everyone starts crowding immediately and are cutting each other and racing down the jetway. Don't they know that if you're first on or last on, your seat will still be there? It's called assigned seating. Same story when the plane stops at the gate. You hear everyone's seatbelts unclick and everyone stands up to get their stowed baggage. Again, do you not remember that if you get off first, or last, you're still going to get off? And why hurry? Especially if you have to go to baggage claim, you might as well sit and wait. Everyone just needs to calm down and enjoy life slowly. Just because you run doesn't mean you'll get your (fill in the blank) any faster than those who walk.

PS-I had my first experience at Aldi (grocery store) yesterday and it was awesome. I came away a bandit!

invasion

if one side of my nose is cooperating, the other isn't. that's frustrating. what is also frustrating is already being on medication daily and having to add to that dosage cold medicine due to the pressure in my face. is it not bad enough that i have to feel tired all the time? must we add other factors to this? i guess so.

i'm mostly upset because the movement of whatever into my sinus' is most likely going to not allow me to go to Michigan this weekend to see my friend Emily who I haven't seen since January. carl is shooting her brother's wedding and it was going to work out perfectly for me to come and see her for 2 days. well, that was until I had 3 more partial seizures and now this invasion of bacteria. how rude. all i want to do is visit my friend and feel well enough to travel.

i'm not giving up yet...but i have a feeling that surrender is inevitable. :(

Dear Karma,

Please deal me some nice cards. It would be greatly appreciated.

Heart,
Cara

let your hair down

I don't have anything dramatic to write about since I haven't been an active employee for almost 6 months and a lot of my posts revolved around how absolutely horrible my job was and how I was trying to do anything else. Oh wait, I did and it was called a seizure. Well, I didn't really do that, it happened to me. So, I've decided to subject you to random things that I think about. Starting...now.

I have not had my independence since May 20th, 2008 (forever in infamy as Seizure Day.)
I am working through how I feel and have felt about what that day did to my life.
I am trying to decide on what to study in grad school.
I'm trying to decide if I should go to grad school.
I miss going to school. Truly, I do.
I've spent way more time than you ever have on a couch.
I've rediscovered a love for Kool-Aid.
I found a secret love for John Mayer's guitar and songwriting ability...but not necessarily his voice.
I hope I get to drive again soon but I'm also really nervous about being able to drive again.
I don't want to live my life in fear of ________, but I do a lot. (That wasn't me cussing, that was me leaving room for the many things that I fear.)
I have opened several business ventures in my mind with Katie and Holly that may or may not actually come to fruition. They really should though.
I am proud of myself because I used the word "fruition" and I believe I did it correctly.
I think that I really enjoy cooking and I'm not sure it would've happened if I hadn't had all this time to look for hobbies.
I also really enjoy cleaning and organizing. It helps me feel better and I get a lot of thinking done.
I know my mom wishes I'd discovered the last 2 things I wrote when I was still living with her. :)
I think I'll look really cute when I'm pregnant. Who doesn't?!
I saw someone on tv using a pencil and I remembered how much I loved using #2's when I was in college. I think mostly because I love the color gray. And I love to erase.
I have 3 Target stores memorized and dominate clearance racks like you don't even know.
I just got a shirt at Target for $3.24. It's my new favorite shirt.
I also got a cardigan at Target for $4.95 and I wear it too much but it makes me feel artsy.
I accidentally threw away my parents wedding picture that I'd been wanting that was tucked inside a Guidepost that had Bobby Flay's picture on the front. I still feel so bad about it.
I know who Bobby Flay is because I watch Iron Chef America on the Food Network.
I don't read blogs that look long because I don't enjoy reading. Unless it's Ben's blog.

I think this is enough for you to digest.

victory

Thomas lives with us and he and I have been battling over him putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Those dishes that can't go in the dishwasher are to be washed by hand by whoever used them. I've been threatening that if he kept leaving his dishes in the sink that they would end up on his bed. "yea, yea." Well, Wednesday, after 3 days in the sink, his dishes were moved to his room. I spared his bed, but did leave them in his doorway. They have proceeded to sit there until today when they were finally washed by their master, Thomas. One small victory is still a victory.

Now I know how my mom felt my whole life when we left our stuff everywhere, dumped our dishes above the dishwasher on the counter, left cups out, and generally didn't clean up after ourselves. "When you get it out, you put it away" was a common phrase, but often argued it by saying whoever used it last should put it away. Anyway, sorry mom. Now I know your pain.

PS, while writing this, Thomas loaded the dishwasher and started it, and Thomas and Carl spontaneously started raking leaves in the front yard thus earning 2 points. There may be hope for them yet.

adventures

Well since I've been stuck at home, unable to drive, unable to be independent, I've spent about 4 weekends at my grandparents and sisters over the last 6 weeks. It's been 2 years since I was at my g-parents last which is super embarrassing. I guess I've made up for it by being there so many times recently. :) Anyway, I've had several adventures recently. I was up this last weekend for the small town tradition of Neewollah. It's the town's fall fest/Halloween celebration. There's a carnival, fair food, lots of activities, etc. I haven't been since my Senior year of high school so it was really nice to be there. There's a parade and marching band competition on the Saturday of last weekend. I love this parade, I love marching bands, I love it. After the parade and competition, we go to Jayne's house to get dinner going. Well, Uncle Lee pulls out the VW Thing (see picture.) After some joy-riding, it was time to teach my sister Lindsay and I to drive a standard. So, Uncle Lee took each of us out and taught us to drive the Thing. My turn was a little trying since I couldn't reach the pedals very well and the breaks don't really work and I hadn't driven since May. I will have you know that I only killed it when I was learning to start and stop on a hill. I did GREAT besides that. I didn't jerk it once, all my shifting was down fluidly and easily. Hooray me! It was also nice to get behind the wheel and drive, even if it was on the runway Uncle Lee made in the field for his plane.

I've been question girl 2008 to my grandparents on these visits. I guess my curiosity is just now kicking in so I've been asking lots of questions about their lives and such. It's been really great to learn all of that. My grandpa is in the process of writing "life sketches" with his siblings that tell about their lives growing up. Being born in the 20's leaves lots of room for good stories.

Anyway, that's all. Since I'm all caught up with the DVR, I guess I'll have to find some things to do today...probably laundry.

what should i do?

So, since it's looking like this seizure thing isn't going to be figured out for a while, I'm considering working for Starbucks (insurance) and going back to school for a masters. The problem is, I still don't really know what I want to do so I'm struggling with the decision to possibly accrue more debt and get a masters that may not benefit me in the long run. On the other hand, I don't think I'll be a person that has a career in something for 10, 15, 20 years. So...here's what I'm considering.

-Law School.
-School/Guidance Counselor
-Speech/Language Pathology
-Something with Design
-LMFT
-MBA (seems to be pretty useful across the board)

I know...it doesn't seem like any of that goes together...which is part of the problem.

So, I need some feedback. What should I do?


EDIT: So I spent some time thinking about what I would want to do if there were no limits (money, insurance, where I live, etc) and I decided I would be the one who sets up the rooms/stuff for pictures in magazines, specifically RealSimple. Either that, or people would pay me to go through their stuff and get rid of it/organize it. I would love that.

Rainy

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, there is finally a rainy fall day and we have a porch to sit on and watch it and a back patio door with a screen to allow the wet pavement smell to linger into the living room. It's a good day...

setback

i woke up to a partial seizure this morning at 7:45am. i had a 3 month streak going of no seizures until today. it's been a really frustrating day. i've been feeling really good lately, i've had more energy, and now it feels like i'm starting all over again. i talked to my doctor and i'm going to bump up my dose, again. i was sure that i was finally in a good place with my medication, i'd been stable for 2 1/2 months and not had to go up anymore, until today. i'm not sure this will effect my ability to drive or not. i hope it doesn't, but at the same time, i can't be having these if i'm going to be safe driving.

anyway, today's been disappointing and frustrating. i'm not looking for sympathy or comments, i just wanted to get this out.

Housey

Here's some peeks at our newest residence, a rent house. It's great; we love it!



No blogging recently because there's not much going down. I could talk about the debates, but I'd probably be e-killed because I don't work for CNN and breathe politics.

moverific pt 2

we're moved.

empty apartment. empty storage unit. empty cars/trunks. empty most of the boxes/blue tubs. empty pockets of all money. empty all positive attitude and communication skills.

check.


p.s. dish network is amazing. cox is not. and kenley better be kicked off project runway tonight.

celebrating life

Meet Spencer Green. He passed away one year ago today at the age of 24. He had been struggling with cancer since the age of 19. He was a friend to all, an inspiration to many, and a testimony to the grace of God. He is greatly missed, but is celebrated and remembered today. Spencer made his experience with cancer one that challenged himself and others to live your life and not waste time or opportunities. "Enjoy Every Sandwich" was a motto he lived by. One of my many favorite songs is below. My favorite part is the bridge where he talks about tasting a dream and hearing the call of wilder things. It has been my anthem the last year as I try to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm tasting dreams and I know they don't involve copier machines, and I'm hearing the call of wilder things...I just haven't arrived at the dream or wilder thing yet. I hope you can relate to the song and maybe it will remind you to taste a dream or listen to the call of wilder things.

iceberg

if this is all you ever knew, i could forgive you, if this is all you ever knew.
if this is all you ever saw, like an iceberg, that never got to thaw

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

if this was all that you could be,
sitting here playing your video games on the tv
and if this is all that you could do,
with your perfect job, and your perfect raise
and your benefits too

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

but i know that you have tasted a dream
and i know that it doesn't smell like a copier machine
and i know that you have heard the call of wilder things
i will never see

so i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try and find your name.

-Spencer Green

Oh Snap...

I was online today paying my last bill to the hospital (BOOYAH!), and to Real Simple so I continue to receive my beloved magazine. Then...I saw it. "Renew online at RealSimple.com." Why have I not known about this life changing website for the last 4 months of captivity and exile??!?!?!?! Bless it, they are also starting REAL SIMPLE on TLC next month!!! A full hour of genius things I wish I'd thought of every Friday on my T.V. How great! You may not be able to find me for a while and it will be because I'm glued to either the .com or TLC.

Moverific!

Yea, we figured it was time to move again. I mean, who doesn't want to establish 4 different residences in the first year and a 1/2 of marriage? So, Thomas (Carl's brother) has made some changes in colleges and needed a place to live. Working part-time his options of safety, cleanliness, and affordable places to live are extremely limited. So, being the gracious individuals we are, we said "Live with us!" So, after 4 days of searching, we found a rent house in Bethany with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a utility room (Bless it! No more laundry at my mom's!) a garage, a huge storage closet, a brand new refrigerator, tons of storage, a backyard with 2 storage buildings, and a cool front door! BOOYAH! So, we move in Oct. 1st. That's right, speedy packing express is here! As much as I hate packing, I enjoy unpacking. (Weird, I know.) And, I'm really excited to settle in and get stuff on the walls. Hopefully we get to paint and take down the mommy border in the kitchen and "rose room", so I'll have something to do! Hazaa!!!

Now, don't get too excited. There is retro brown carpet through the whole house...the exact same that's been in my Grammy's house since 1980! So, we're going to lean into the retro/vintage feeling and do our best to make it cool and not Granny. Hopefully it turns out alright! I'm dreaming of every color of furniture besides brown. (After all, our couch and chair are already brown.) Hopefully I stumble on some red, orange, yellow, and avocado wonders!!!

I hope we don't continue the moving trend we've started...I like change, but I'm getting tired of moving.

Grammy's

I spent the weekend at my Grammy's with my mom and aunt. I hadn't been there in a while which is embarrassing. It was so great! I didn't realize how many things I love/miss about her house. My g-parents live on a farm in SE Kansas in a little town called Independence. They live in a house that my grandpa built and where my mom and her siblings were raised. I have lots of memories of that house and the farm. I LOVE being there. It makes me want homemade ice cream, cherry and pumpkin pie, and 80's furniture. I want to visit the cabin, the old cemetery, take a walk around the hill or down the gravel road to the bridge...etc. I hope everyone has some memories of your grandparents house. I'm planning on making as many visits as possible in the near future.

What are your memories of your g-parents house?

hobby...but not lobby.

i need some hobbies people. i tried the painting thing...but only 4 weeks into my 16 week class i had 2 root canals and a seizure so i couldn't really finish the class. so, i have all these supplies and no idea what to do. i used to make things...like mod podge (is that right???) stuff...but i had to leave it when we started sharing a house because it was "college." i would probably be happy in a house with a wall of cork and a wall that's that chalkboard paint. (*i copyright those ideas...if you steal them and do them before we have a house and i can do it, then i'll be moderately upset and still have it in my house, except better.)i think i kinda want to be a designer. i have all these pictures and articles from magazines of awesome ideas for a living space...but of course have no funds or space to do them thanks to the laws of apartments and school debt. but seriously, i do need some hobbies to consider...any ideas?

the parameters to these suggested hobbies need to involve limited physical activity since i'm still not up to my normal functioning, little money, and able to do alone or with someone else. okay, go!

every day is a holiday to me.

Vacation was nice...we didn't do much, which was the point. Happy Labor Day to you! While you're enjoying staying home or doing something cool because you don't have to work...I'll be doing the same thing I do every day which is have a day off from everything. So, enjoy my life today!

Oh wait I can't, I'll be on vacation...

So, Carl and I leave tomorrow for Denver, Colorado for a few days of no email, no phone calls, no friends, no Oklahoma, no responsibilities, few plans, and a cheap flight and rental car to visit the mountains. I have been highly anticipating this week since I found the $68 tickets about a month ago. A slight damper came when I found out the Democratic National Convention was going on at the same time and I couldn't find lodging for nearly 30 square miles around Denver. Luckily, I got the last room at a BOMB B&B in Morrison, Colorado...about 20 miles outside of Denver. Check out their website so you'll be jealous of us. Another slight damper has come with the recent arrest of hooligans planning to shoot at Obama while we're in town. No thanks! But I'm confident that we'll have a much deserved relaxing break away from our lives. I'm looking forward the most to my first visit to Whole Foods and the Mile High Flea Market. So, peace out Oklahoma. Don't call because we won't answer....till Sunday.

Exiled

It's been a while since I wrote about tv shows...but the Olympics have been on people!

So...sometimes I watch MTV. I won't hide it. There's a new show starting tomorrow night at 9:30pm; it's called Exiled. MTV took 8 of the "Sweet Sixteen" stars from 2 years ago and sent them to remote areas of Morroco, Norway, Africa, Thailand, and India. What's interesting is the parents do everything for these kids!!! They pay for everything, they do their laundry, they clean their rooms, they allow their kids to sit around and be taken care of. So...it only makes sense that their children are going to be spoiled and not able to handle daily living skills like working, feeding themselves, doing laundry, paying bills...etc. One girls mom even straightens her daughters hair for her!!! Have we heard of ENABLING!

I'll be watching the show to see the real world hit these kids square in the jaw. My prediction is that 7 out of the 8 will go right back to their extravagant lifestyle.

breakfast for dinner!

When I was growing up, sometimes my mom would make waffles for dinner....we never really had them for breakfast, just dinner. I LOVE whoever said "I want breakfast for dinner." (And it's a great excuse to eat more BACON.)

Our small group is getting together tonight for...you guessed it, breakfast for dinner! We're having pancakes and bacon and all the fixin's...we're even having juice and milk to drink. How appropriate! I'm so pumped. I haven't had real breakfast, much less breakfast for dinner in ages.

So, cancel your dinner plans and make some breakfast. You won't be sorry.

Rainy Dayzzzz

it has been gloriously cloudy for the last....week? unlike most people, i am energized by the cloudy days! i invite the rain. i cheer for the thunderstorm to roll through. i open the blinds and let the lovely gray into my living room. my mom always gave me a hard time growing up because a good portion of my wardrobe was gray. well...i still have a good percentage that is gray, but i can't help it. i love gray.

so since i've had so much time on my hands, i've been doing ridiculous things like researching baby names. i'm not pregnant!!! so don't even ask me. but, i've recently had a fascination with names and what they mean. it probably started when Josh and Katie found out that one of the names they're considering (they ARE pregnant) for their baby unknown is Gavin and it means "White Hawk of Battle." who wouldn't want their name to mean that?! we've had numerous discussions with them and others about prospective baby names. we believe it's better to get your "dibs" out there so you're not disappointed when you're friends get pregnant and "steal" your favorite baby name. (we also understand though that if/when they're pregnant and we're not, they pretty much have all rights to claim a name.)

so, here's my favorites. it should also be said that i don't really want to have (a) girl(s) but i do have a few on my list. knowing my luck, i'll have triplet girls.

boys
Emery
Boen
River
Finley "Finn" for short
Ash
Maddox
Sawyer

girls
Scout
Sadie
Everly
Millie

What Ellen and I have in common....

-we love to dance.

-we LOVE a good BLT sandwich.

-we love Barack Obama.


Love you Ellen.

Olympiadicmania

I guess I'm just now old enough to really get into the Olympics...but I am obsessed. Not with America...(even though that men's swimming relay was AWESOME!) but I am digging every bit of Beijing 2008. I've always loved Gymnastics and Diving...but this year is a whole new deal.

And synchronized diving? How tight is that!

I haven't seen the opening ceremonies (I'm waiting for some peeps who were in Africa to watch with them) but I've only heard the best things and can't wait to watch!

Who's with me on this?!!??!!

EDIT: I watched the opening ceremonies tonight with Kendra. They blew my mind. I'm going to watch them again probably because they were that legit. Good Luck London...China set the bar high.

Epilepsy

I've been diagnosed with Epilepsy. I've just begun my research on all this means and I'll try to post my findings later when I've waded through everything. I'm not discharged from my doctor yet so I'm not going back to work and we haven't worked through the best option for that yet. Insurance is our main concern right now which I still have and can continue to have until I decide what to do in regards to my job at DHS. Carl and I have and will continue to make life adjustments through this journey. I don't think the diagnosis and the full extent of what it will mean for us have fully sunk in yet, but we wanted to let you know the latest.

you CAN put a price on education

Dave Ramsey, thanks for not accepting us into your college debt program because we didn't have enough debt. Here's what we're facing as a result if we can't pay Sallie Mae a penny more than we do every month.

The year will be 2027.
Carl will be 43.
I will be 42.

$53,816.40 (Carl's total paid) Original loan(s) in the neighborhood of $29,000.
$46,884.92 (My total paid) Original loan(s) in the neighborhood of $25,000.

$100,701.32 The amount that Sallie Mae will have stolen from us in principal and interest.

That's a house.


Love you private education.

week 12

12 weeks of sitting on a couch.
12 weeks of taking medication.
12 weeks of television (be it cable or not.)
12 weeks of being driven around.
12 weeks of feeling tired and worn out and not myself.


12 weeks without another big seizure. :)



Things are looking up.

schmeizures

It's been a while since I've updated you on my seizure...progress? Journey? Whatever, here's where we are today anyway. My second MRI came back normal. I started a new medication back at the beginning of July. Well, it made my heart do bad things so now I've started another new one, today in fact. And guess what...a side effect is a very serious rash. So if you come up to me in the mall or at church trying to embarrass me by asking about my rash...I just might actually have something to tell you in all honesty. Haha! Anyway, we'll see how this one turns out. Back to the doctor on August 4th for more questions and answers and who knows what else.

In other news, our small group is going on a float trip this weekend! We're heading to Talequah, Oklahoma to float the Illinois River Saturday. Well, technically everyone else will be floating and I'll be basking in all that Siloam Springs, Arkansas has to offer as my sister babysits me. (Due to my medication and the fact that I have little endurance, strength, and don't know how this new medication will effect me...I've opted out of the river.) It will be nice to finally get out of this apartment after nearly 11 weeks of white walls, this blasted couch, and the same 'ole thing. Looking forward to it!

As far as requests go, I'd like a rip roaring good thunderstorm. Haven't had a good day of rain in a while and I think it's about time.

Oh and our dishwasher broke and we're getting a new one. Oh apartment landlord luxury!

HPV

In 2007 that HPV vaccine came out and that commercial with the moms and their daughters wanting them to be "one less" who gets cervical cancer.

"Recently, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a vaccine that is highly effective in preventing HPV infection with types 16 and 18, two “high-risk” types that cause 70 percent of cervical cancers, and types 6 and 11, which cause 90 percent of genital warts. The HPV vaccine is recommended for 11- to 12-year-old girls, and if the doctor decides, the vaccine can be given to girls as young as 9. The vaccine also is recommended for 13- to 26-year-old girls/women who have not yet received or completed the vaccine series. The vaccine is given through a series of three shots over a six-month period. The vaccine should be given before sexual activity begins (before contact with the HPV virus). Those who have not been infected with any type of HPV will benefit the most from the vaccine. Girls/women who are sexually active should still be vaccinated because they can get protection from the HPV types that they haven’t been infected with." (source)

Again, I was watching Oprah, and her OBGYN was on having an awkward Q & A days, and a woman asked about the vaccine. The Doc said that only 4 strands of the HPV virus have been linked to cervical cancer and there are thousands of strands of HPV. 200 woman die a year from cervical cancer and it is one of the few highly treatable and preventable cancers. "The American Cancer Society says that the survival rate for cervical cancer is about 90 percent. Most instances of HPV infections, even the pre-cancerous or cancerous ones, resolve on their own." (source)

How's this: 1600 girls had adverse reactions and there have already been 3 deaths from the vaccine.

There's been a lot of speculation surrounding vaccines recently-not just this one. As someone who's had to be on a medication regiment and having to accept that to lower your chances or "risk" of something you have to sometimes "suffer" the effects of that drug. I'm wondering if all that risk is really worth the effects my body has to undergo to keep the statistics low.

And just for the sake of comment arguments, let's say I'm of age to have a teenage daughter and this vaccine is out. I think I'd rather muscle through a series of uncomfortable conversations about sex and STD's and allow her to make a personal choice than make a trip to the doctor's office for a vaccine that hasn't been proven to be trustworthy yet. (And a vaccine that my daughter would only need if she contracted a certain STD and if that STD led to developing cervical cancer.)

What do you think?

babies and Oprah...hear me out okay?

So, last week I stayed at my mom's house while Carl was at church camp with the teens. (For those that aren't avid readers, I can't stay anywhere overnight by myself...yes I know, I'm a scared-e-cat.) Anyway, she has the bunny ears not the cable tv. No big, I watched the bunny ears for 22 years. So, I had to watch Oprah for a week. I was surprised that I actually caught two good episodes that didn't have to do with fashion or celebrities or giving away un-Godly amounts of materialist crap. However, I want to preface that the word "good" here means that it caused me to think and question and got the cogs in my head a turnin'.

Episode #1: Lisa Ling did a special report about couples who are paying women to be surrogates in India. Obviously the couples have fertility issues. One of the couples that came on the show had already spent over $100,000 in the US to several different doctors and gone through several different treatments and hadn't gotten pregnant. They had considered adoption, but wanted to have a biological child. They found out about the surrogate option in India which is roughly $6400USD. They have made 2 different trips for about 3-4 weeks at a time and will make one more for 1 month when their child is born. The amount of money the Indian women make from carrying just one child successfully (the success rate is about 60%) is enough to bring these women and their families out of poverty and change their lives. The documentary showed the house where one surrogate lived before and the home where she lived now with her family. Most women are surrogates only once. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I have fertility issues. I also am open to adoption. Since I was in middle school I wanted to foster/adopt children. So, I just don't understand the longing, craving, obsession, and extreme lengths that some couples will go to in order to have a biological baby. I don't understand the insane amount of money they will spend to "roll the dice." But I am extremely uneasy with outsourcing a pregnancy to another country...even if it could change that woman's life.

Martha Stewart's daughter was on at the end of the show. She's 42. She spends over $28,000/month to try to get pregnant. In 2 months she could pay off my college debt.

*In Oklahoma County alone, there are over 15,000 children, ages 0-17 ready and waiting to be adopted by a warm and loving home. Adoption isn't free, but it's got to be a lot cheaper than trying for something that may not be able to happen. And yes I said county, not state. There are 76 other counties in the state, and 49 other states.

Episode #2: This episode centered around the first sperm donor babies who are now all grown up and asking lots of questions. There were several sperm donors on who were offering their view and opinion. One guy said when we was donating, he looked at it like donating blood, he just got paid for it. Um...except that donating sperm means giving the potential for human life, not just transfusions. Don't worry, the guy is only a pediatrician with 9 "donor children" as their called. He also doesn't call them his children because he didn't go through the physical act of conceiving them. Dude, you are their biological father! They have your physical characteristics! Remember your sperm? They carry your DNA. Aren't you a doctor?! Oprah interviewed 4 "donor children" and talked with them about the questions they have and why they want to know who their father's are. Most of the kids interviewed were in their 20's. They knew their dad was donor "24H" or "4Qs2"etc, but no name, no medical history, no family heritage, no nothing. All of them expressed an emptiness and a void and longing to know a side of them that they feel they can't know without knowing at least a person from that side of themselves. Some of them have been connected with a 1/2 sibling or relative in someway. Some have found their donors and been received very well, but most have no answers and have grown up an only child being loved by a single-mom.

Do you think it's selfish of these mom's to use a sperm bank to have a baby if they know the child will grow up without a father and will eventually ask questions and want answers? It sounds similar to a child that's adopted that eventually wants to know about their birth parents...not because they don't love their adopted parents or love them any less, but because they need that piece that hasn't fit for so long to fit if it can. I think it has to be similar for "donor children." There's a piece that's not fitting and they're trying to find the right piece. The only problem is, there's hardly any resources to link them to their piece. www.donorsiblingregistry.com is the only one going right now. They've linked over 4,600 siblings and donors so far. It's a start.

I don't know how I feel about all this. I do know it keeps me up at night. And it doesn't keep me up at night because I'm thinking of ways to change people's minds. It keeps me up at night because our society is still treating life with disregard and keeps coming up with ways for people to get what they want without thinking of the consequences.

trantrum over.

Did you know critics are calling "The Great American Dog" (tv show), "the greatest reality show of all time." (----------------------------------dead air) WHAAAAAT?!?!

Okay, but seriously. I had a long conversation with Kendra the other day about how humanity doesn't know how to care for each other. What I mean by that is that they don't know how to show concern for each other. Example: So, I had a seizure almost 10 weeks ago. We did the hospital, doctors, medicine fiasco thing,(and we still are.) If you're an avid reader you've heard some of the stories. Anyway, the constant through it all was the question, "How are you doing?" If I'm anything, I feel I'm a consistently honest person. When I was present to answer the question in person, my answers varied, but one time I answered "we're doing okay", which I felt was fairly accurate. I was shot back with "No really, how are you doing?" I looked confused and said, "No really, we're doing okay." --Go from that to a lady telling me about her son who has seizures who's 25 and lives at home and is pretty much a vegetable--Go from that to a guy who told me about his uncle who was having seizures and they couldn't find out why he was having them and ended up having a tiny tumor and had awake brain surgery after 5 years of going to doctors.--PEOPLE! What happened to Sonic runs, and having lunch, and funny jokes, and reading blogs?

I had a friend during college that had cancer. He struggled with it off and on during my 4 years in college. During his times away from school, I tried to think of the most ridiculous things to send either in packages or in emails that were either just to make him smile, laugh, or help pass the time. I've never had cancer, but it sure doesn't sound like buckets of rainbows and sunshine. I tried my best to put myself in his shoes and think "If I was feeling sick, what would I want from my friends?" I texted dad jokes, emailed funny stories from the lunch table or SGA office, rallied ridiculous toys from the dollar store and mad libs already filled in, and music music music. I don't know if my ideas worked, I just know I didn't want to be one more person asking about cancer.

I'm not saying it's not nice to be asked how I'm doing but personally, I feel more cared about when Bennett offers to have TV time with me, or when Kendra/Shenold, and SB take me to Saturn Grill for dinner, or someone from our small group offers to cook us dinner. That translates to care 7 days a week more than, "How are you doing?" on Sunday morning ever will.

What do you think? Agree/Disagree?

avoiding

I'm avoiding blogging even though I have a stockpile of them to post because I felt my last one was REALLY good and it seems only 2 people read it.

And that makes me want to fold me arms and go "hrumfph" and stomp off with my piggy tails swinging in unison.



My tantrum can't last too much longer...my stockpile is getting pretty large.

3 posts in 1

Josh, I know you said you expected me to give each subject I wanted to blog about previously a fair and seperate post, but I already have a LIST of new blogs going and I'm dreaming about those so these will not be shortened...but just one long post instead of 3 separate ones.

Okay, #1: Anthony Bourdain. This guy is bringing culture back. He's an award winning chef who grew up in New Jersey, studied and lived most of his career in New York City, and now works for the Travel Channel going to countries abroad sampling their trademark cuisine, living among the people, and seeing the land up close and personal. On a recent episode of No Reservations (the show Bourdain hosts), he was in Laos. "Laos was dragged into the Vietnam War, and the eastern parts of the country were invaded and occupied by the North Vietnamese Army (NVA), which used Laotian territory as a staging ground and supply route for its war against the South. In response, the United States initiated a bombing campaign against the North Vietnamese, supported regular and irregular anticommunist forces in Laos and supported a South Vietnamese invasion of Laos."(wikipedia) So, in the episode, Bourdain sits down with a farmer and his family and they share a traditional Laotian meal. This man lost his leg and arm to a mine that went off in his field. There are over 3.5 million of these mines (active bombs) that are still in Laos from the Vietnam war. 400,000 have been recovered since the Vietnam war which is remarkable since their technology is so limited and primitive that it takes forever for these mines to be discovered. There was footage of what looked like a man-made metal detector in the shape of a rectangle that has to be carried by 6 men. If metal is detected, then another crew follows up with another type of detector, then if they go to the next step, another crew comes in to carefully dig up the bombs and then transport them to be set off in a safe location. The Vietnam war ended in 1975, so in 33 years, the Laotian people have been left to find these deadly weapons on their own that have been killing and injuring their people and been given no help or support to find these mines! Is that not an injustice?! My favorite quote was Bourdain saying, "Every American should see the effects of war first hand." I loved this because he was in a country still suffering the effects, over 30 years later, several wars later, and America marches on, in first place, dominating.

Okay, #2 Shannon wrote a blog about the G8 summit and the irony of those in attendance being served 6 & 8 course meals while talking about world hunger and poverty. Wouldn't this be like world leaders getting together to talk about the energy crisis and being shuttled around in Hummer limos? I mean, wouldn't we laugh at them and disregard their proposed solutions? I know I would. Now, I don't know what I expected from the leaders at the G8 summit...maybe fasting is too extreme...but is a meal really necessary? If world leaders did meet to discuss the energy crisis, where would they meet? Outside in a tent? Haha...

What's left...Oh yea, 30 Days. Okay, this week on the show "30 Days", they spent duh, 30 days on a Navaho Indian reservation. There are a lot of sterotypes surrounding the Native American people. First of all, don't get me started on the whole Trail of Tears thing and them being removed from their native land and forced to assimilate by the Europeans...as recent as the 1970's, the Bureau of Indian Affairs is still trying to pursue a policy of assimilation into the broader US culture and off the reservation. On the show, the reservation was in New Mexico. Indian reservations typically have a high amount of poverty, alcoholism, and unemployment. They get little assistance from the government even though through treaties, laws and agreements they were promised to have the basic necessities of food, water, and education for their people so their culture and traditions would be protected. It was very sad to see these indigenous people who were run out of their native land continue to suffer a century later and be struggling to survive under a government who promised them they'd be taken care of. And again, those giving a voice to these overlooked people aren't being heard.


Ugh. I hope you read all of this. More posts to come.

don't fence me in...

Okay, so I'm riding in the car with my mom the other day and I noticed this house on the corner of 50th and Grove doesn't have a fence. Those of you that know me even a little bit know that I'm a scared-e-cat, paranoid, whatever. I've had a fear since I was little of someone breaking into my house....and of a house fire...and of being shot at. Wow, tangent, ANYWAY! So when I saw the house with no fence I was like "WHOA! I would not be able to sleep at night without a fence!" Then I kind of called myself out because I grew up my entire life with a chain-link fence which is basically...let's be real...invisible. I mean, it divides backyards I guess, but it doesn't really keep anyone out. While the chain-link it's really stylish...I like being able to see if my neighbors were outside, what they were doing, be able to pseudo-pet their dog,and be able to easily hop over it to get the softball we hit into their yard.

Now, I never grew up with the wooden fence so obviously I'm speaking into something with which I have had little or no personal perspective or experience. The little experience I have had with them...I think they make a yard look and feel smaller. And for some reason, they seem to be the ones always falling over in the great wind storms of the mid-west. They are more aesthetically pleasing-I will give you that. I don't know...I just feel so closed in with them.

Regardless of which you have or grew up with...unless you're putting Master locks on your gates, friendly wanderers can still pass through your backyard...fence or no fence. Personally, I think I'm going to take an older house with a chain link fence so I can see my neighbors and pretend to share one big backyard instead of have a new home, not know my neighbors, and feel like I have a tiny yard and can't breathe in mine.

What do you think?

OMG

I have like 14 posts in my head...so many things that I want to blog about. Here's just an overview.

i've been thinking about fences and why we have them and the difference between chain link and wood plank fences...And then I saw this amazing episode of Anthony Bourdain in Laos and he sits down with a man who's lost his leg and arm to mines that are still in Laos from the Vietnam war,close to 3.5 million are still unaccounted for...and then I've been thinking about the irony of Shannon's blog regarding the G8 conference and the 6 & 8 course meals served to those in attendance while talking about world hunger and poverty....the most recent episode of "30 Days" where Morgan Spurlock spent (duh) 30 days on an Navaho Indian reservation and the injustice that the government is doing to them...

ps-I felt really good yesterday. (Not so much today, but still)

pss-day 5 with no focal motor seizures (May my new meds really are bomb!)

oh it gets better

July 3rd
So I started my new meds on Monday night...didn't really notice any new side effects till today. My taste buds are jacked. I got a DP at lunch and I would've bet you $100 that someone had poured a salt shaker into it. So when I got home, I looked up my new med side effects...indeed it's true. Taste changes! !@#*(@#! Supposedly it's only supposed to last for the first few weeks or so. And no worries, since I'm on TWO medications at the same time I'm only TWICE as tired. So I'm basically flat-lined most each day. For someone who was super active to not very active I have now become...almost non existent active. This is the most annoying time in my life.

July 4th
Today I saved up energy by laying around and watching tv. I do so enjoy fireworks. But you have no idea what fireworks can be like on 2 seizure medications and a benedryl while being slightly dizzy standing atop a parking garage dodging lit cigarette butts and spitting. It was a truly joyous occasion. Love all of you who were present. However, my night was ruined when I had another dang focal motor seizure after a 3 day free streak. OH, and then I either broke or severely sprained my right pinky toe when I ran into Carl's bag on the floor by the bed last night after I turned the light off to get into bed. It's black and blue and swollen. haha!

July 5th
So spent today...exhausted. Really bummed because I've been looking forward to today because it's one of my friend's weddings. At the least I was planning on making the wedding, signing the book, and skipping the rest. No such luck. That's the most annoying part of this brain lesion...I never can really make plans. I make plans and hope to keep them, but a lot recently I've had to cancel because I just don't have the energy or ability to do it. If I don't cancel, then I have to crash on a couch or a bed for at least a little while to re-charge my batteries.

PS- You should go see WALL.E...it's pretty fantastic. And it's a fairly quiet movie so if you get overstimulated easily like me-it's perfect!

Hopefully you enjoyed some loud patriotic music with some cutoff American flag t-shirts and crying babies. God Bless America.

dvr

There is no point to a DVR if you're home to actually watch your shows in real time. People, I'm running low on energy. The television is all I have. I look forward to my shows, okay? Right now i have to wait 8 more minutes until "Shear Genius" starts...which the DVR is set to record but I have nothing else to do so I might as well watch right?


Cox Communications: You owe me $5.




Oh, and another show you should check out (if i haven't mentioned it yet) Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. It's on the Travel Channel at various times on most every day of the week. Where can I apply for his job? Travel (check), Eat, (check), Critique, (check), all while my TV crew follows me...yea, I could do that.

what you're missing

Obviously, all but one of you haven't taken my advice about Flipping Out because I haven't been receiving any hilarious quotes from anyone. Come on people! Here's a taste of what you've been missing from Jeff Lewis.

LAST WEEK
"I think your birthday is conflicting with my schedule...can't we just postpone it a week?" -Jeff

"What I'm concerned about is her learning the law and her rights...and Zoila's becoming dangerous." -Jeff

"Are you no bite me Jeff?"-Zoila

"I look so ugly! Thank you so much! It's so ugly." -Zoila


THIS WEEK
"We're yelling at each other, we're screaming, we're firing....I think that's what a work environment should be." -Jeff

"I think that was an over-reaction on Jeff's part. As an employer I think he overreacts to try to strike fear into the hearts of his employees." -Chris Elwood

"Rather than make that personal phone call, he could've pulled over and written that *beep* down. " -Jeff

"And what about the voice changer, like just for fun, how much is that?"-Jeff



Set your DVR's now for next week's episode. Tuesday, 9pm, Bravo.

Awesome = Awesome

So I must have picked up telepathy or something because Dr. New Guy is AWESOME!

I saw him this morning. His office is BOMB. No nurse here, he himself called me from the waiting room. How COOL! We passed his SIGNED Chicago Cubs baseball poster and I knew it was fate. He spent 45 minutes doing an evaluation and talking with me about what's been going on. He even READ my packet and looked at my test results. What a knight!

So, he ordered an MRI with contrast to see if my brain blood vessels are causing the problem on my right side. He changed my meds so I'll be transitioning to Topomax from Keppra over the next month. Finally! Love you Dr. New Awesome Guy!

MRI Wednesday at 1:45pm.
New Meds.
Come back August 4th.

Booyah!

lovey

My bomb husband is in Portland, Oregon with the teens doing a mission trip. They've paid their dues and now get to chill downtown and enjoy the coast. I'm jealous and hate that this couch is where I am and will continue to be for now.

Miss you love.

updaty!

Dr. Awesome's office called this morning and can get me in on MONDAY!!!

I see them at 9am, BOOYAH.

Grow up

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I asked an 8 year old last night and she said "a dermatologist" and she's going to OU and she's going to be a Tri-Delt and the president of the sorority.

Dang. Why can't I have such clarity?


I'm reading "Let Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer. (Thank you Kendra) and it's a great book and exactly what I need to be hearing right now. Pick it up...

drs. are corrupt

I got my "complete" medical record from Dr. Idiot today. Which included the packet I had given him on my last appointment (which he didn't read) 2 written reports, and a letter stating that he understood I no longer want to be a patient of his so he is therefore discharging me from his clinic. Yo Doc, I discharged myself last Thursday!!!

Too bad his reports written regarding my appointments included false information.

WHAT A CROC!

Oh, and this was his closing line from his letter to the ER doc that referred me to Dr. Idiot. "Thank you for sending me such an interesting patient."


This guy will be hearing from me.

no fun anymore

What's not fun:
-being driven everywhere
-sitting/laying/lounging on the couch
-having involuntary movements on my right side
-waiting for the doctor to call
-people only asking me "how are you doing/feeling?" and wanting to say "next question"
-the Red Box
-being tired
-flip flops, sweat pants, and t-shirts
-neighbor lady moving out and being really loud about it

What is fun:
-the Olympic Trials
-seeing my husband all the time
-critiquing television shows like I'm a really important person
-i found newspaper today so I can start painting again



What's your favorite color?

Dr. Idiot, Dr. New Guy, and Dr. Awesome

I went to my GP (Dr. Awesome) today with my Mom. Turns out I have a sinus infection so I'll be starting antibiotics today. We talked about my seizure situation, my experience with Doc. Idiot and talked about the new Neuro (Dr. New Guy) I'm set up with. My GP knows Dr. New Guy and said he is great and highly recommended him. So we feel really good about that and also feel good that Dr. Awesome believes my concerns are warranted, but aren't severe enough to warrant an emergency appointment. I am on the cancel list with my new guy so there's a chance I could get in before my real appointment on July 10th.

For those of you who thought we would take Dr. Idiot's lame explanation lying down, you can forget it. We requested my complete medical record, cancelled all my testing and all future appointments and said "we will not be back." PEACE OUT Dr. Idiot and your stupid psychological testing! Oh and then I slandered his name for 2 hours on every website where I could rate/review Dr. Idiot. I felt really good after that.

In sleep news, we got our first night of restful uninterrupted sleep! It felt GREAT and I feel pretty good today, even after an outing to Dr. Awesome. PROGRESS!

We're remaining hopeful that we'll get this all figured out! Thanks for all your help and suggestions in the last few posts. They've been very helpful and have brought us peace and comfort.

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Okay, TV news real quick, these are the best shows you're probably not watching:
Anthony Bourdaine: No Reservations (Travel Channel) -this is on every day
Black Gold (TNT or TruTv) -Wednesdays nights
Flipping Out (Bravo) *but you should already know about this show! -Tuesdays at 9pm
30 Days (FX) -Tuesdays at 9pm
How It's Made (Discovery)-every day at 11am, 11:30am, 6pm, 6:30pm.

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Edit: Those who saw the original post and comments,

I think the issue was misunderstood and blown out of proportion. I think what could have been a good adult conversation turned into name calling and judging based on chosen vocabulary words. For those reasons, I've edited my post and deleted all comments. Hopefully next time a fair and respectful conversation can occur. And I sincerely apologize to those who were offended by my using "gay" as a descriptor of quality.

It must not be hard to get a medical license...

Well...we're done with my current Neurologist. I will be on the phone in the AM begging for my second opinion to be moved up to ASAP. Carl and I went with our guns loaded, complete with my full medical history, a seizure diary from the last 5 weeks, an evaluation from the Keppra website regarding my side effects and reaction to the meds, a calendar detailing how I've felt and all medication I've taken in the last 5 weeks, a form from my employer for him to sign...amounting to about 12-15 pages. 45 minutes after our scheduled appointment, we finally got called. My blood pressure was 110/70, my heart rate was 100 (i know...I was nervous.) Doctor comes in and sits down and says "So how have you been doing since I saw you last?" And I'm kind of shocked because I've called him twice, I requested my appointment be moved up because I've been having more frequent partial seizures, do you not remember any of this?! So we start explaining what it's been like and acts like he didn't know any of the information...which I had already told him! I talk about my right side being affected and the side effects and I keep referring to the diary I've kept of symptoms and what's happened when and he doesn't look at even one page. He asks me if I've had stress as a child or trauma, I say no, he asks if I've ever seen a counselor before, I say yes, I describe when, he starts interrogating me about why I sought a counselor. I stated because it was free in college and I was encouraged to participate in it, and I developed a friendship with my counselor and it progressed over 3 years. He kept asking what problem/issue I had to start going. And I said I didn't and he would not believe that I went to counseling for no problematic reason. I stated "well that's your opinion and I don't agree." and he answered "that's everyone's opinion." WHAAAAAAAT?!!?! So somehow, we get around to him recommending that I have psychological testing because my "episodes" could be "conversion" which is where a person internalizes problems/issues and it manifests itself in physical reactions or outbursts. I think it is pretty ridiculous for everything I have and am experiencing to be chalked up to psychological issues. So in the beginning of the appointment I was having seizures...and by the end, I have psychological issues. So, when checking out we requested my medical records and requested my further testing be held off for at least 2 weeks so that I can get a second opinion.

I have never felt so illegitimate, so offended, so overlooked, and overwhelmed that a medical professional...who's specialty is people's brains...could treat me, a patient, with such disrespect and show no concern for the fact that my right side feels dead and out of control.

So, I'll be calling my other Neuro in the AM to move up my appointment. Luckily I kept copies of everything I gave the doc so I can pass it on to someone who will READ IT, and hopefully we'll get some answers to this nonsense! We are super frustrated and disappointed that today didn't go better.

doctor doctor, give me some news

Faithful Followers of my Blog:

We go back to the Neuro tomorrow. We're packed and loaded with lots of papers, research, and questions to attack him with as soon as he opens the door. :) Sort of kidding...

Things have stabilized a little...but we do feel that my condition has definitely worsened, especially since the upped dosage in meds. As frustrated as we are, we are anxious for answers and solutions to whatever it is that's going on. From speaking with family and friends, the consensus is that everyone is concerned and believes that something bigger is going on that just me having a freak seizure. It's hard to trust a doctor you don't like, especially when you're being told that something doesn't sound quite right with your treatment. I never threw a fit when my pediatrician (who I definitely saw until I was 22) went through the motions and wrote me the beloved Amoxicillin prescription for my ear infections, sinus infections, etc. But people, we are talking about my brain here, not my ears. I would like to think that if I were a neurologist, I would take my job so seriously that I would limit my number of patients, surgeries, etc so that I had time to research, analyze, and be nearly 100% sure that what I was telling my patients was reliable information. Now, there's a reason I'm not a doctor, especially a neurologist, so I know I can't really speak into something I have no frame of reference for, but...I really want to believe that there are doctors out there that really care for people and the illnesses that ale them. But I may also know better.

On a lighter note, a friend suggested I start a TV critic blog since I'm watching so much TV these days and have an increased knowledge about shows, commercials, etc. I may not start a new one, but I may start sharing my expert opinions on this blog. I'm sure you'll be looking forward to that. One of my FAVORITE shows started last night, "Flipping Out." Jeff Lewis is a real-estate investor with a major case of OCD. The show is hilarious because he has extreme expectations and requests. This is a tribute to Jason Smith: "I want to change my drink order…Ideally 70% lemonade, 20% punch, 10% Sprite. If they don’t have fruit punch, do like 85% lemonade and 15% sprite. If they don’t have lemonade, do 85% punch and 15% sprite…or 7-Up." The show is on Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo (67 for those of you with Cox Cable.) It started last night, but you can catch that episode on Tuesday at 8pm if you want to be caught up for the new one at 9pm. People, laughter can add up to 8 years to your life. This show will help you meet your quota. If not, I'll give you your money back.