Tonight was small group. It was so great to be back together with most everyone and catch up. We got on the subject of college and if we could do it all over again, would we have the same major, would we still have gone to the school we went too...
I re-realized that the choices we make are chain reactions. If I hadn't gone to school where I went, if I hadn't chosen the major I did, if I had gotten a different job...blah blah blah. Where would I be? Who would I be? What would I be doing? Would I be married? Would I have had a seizure? Would I be living in Ireland? Would I be in grad school? Would I have the friends I have now or have found friends that are like the friends I have now?
I used to believe in a God that knew what my every moment would be. This God who had already planned out my whole life and I believed that whatever happened was "meant to be." How much more powerful it is to believe in a God that allows me to choose. But at the same time, how overwhelming! Should we buy a house? Should I try to work full-time? Should I go back to school? Should we move to Oregon sooner? Should we move at all? Should I, should we...ah! All these choices!
At some point you have to decide and go from there. This could easily spin out of control with anxiety and worry. It's hard to keep from wondering what would be if we had made a different choice. I guess it's about learning to accept the fact that we will never know what could have been and being happy with what is and the choices you have made to lead you where you are. I think I need to work on that.
5 comments:
I have found that the struggle for me is worrying about the contentment I will need for the consequences of my choices. I worry about the choices, because I worry about my own happiness...I think prickish is a good term for that.
me too. I liked this post! I constantly analyze things like that.
i am simply and happily glad you are my friend. yes, friend.
duuuuuuuuuude. you gots me thinkin too much. i'ma have to do a spin off on my next blog.
Late to the party here, but I understand your revelation about God exactly. I remember several years ago as a eager freshman, praying at an alter about a "boy situation". Is he the one? Is he not? blah blah blah. Imagine my shock when my pastor's wife who had come to pray with me brought up the idea that maybe God doesn't really care too much about who I marry, because He's not limited by my earthly decisions. As long as I'm walking with Him, my hopes and desires and choices will be usable by Him. What a change in my walk occurred after that conversation! All of the sudden God became SO BIG to me and the pressure to "do His will" became nonexistent. Not that I have no responsibility in my choices, but just that God is big enough to deal with it.
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