Target, really?

I went to Target today feeling that I deserved some new after-christmas sale clothes. (NONE to be had)and they have SWIMSUITS


are you kidding me? Is it not DECEMBER?!

festivus for the restofus

Christmastime 2007 was spent in the stinky armpit of Arkansas at my sister's house. This year, for the first time, just our immediate family got together. Every year since I've been alive we always go to my grandparents in Kansas. This year was nice...really relaxing...lots of toy-playing, movies, and Wii. (I'll show photo proof later from my christmas present camera.) We came up after the Xmas eve service and left Wednesday evening-ish

We met up with Josh and Katie and had dinner and saw "Juno." Please see it. It's fantastic!


Carl's parents totally understand good gift giving. While we did not participate in presents of any kind, we couldn't help my mom and his mom from stopping. Carls family gave me 2 shirts (they fit and are cool), a robe (which I've been wanting), gloves (much needed), warm socks, and a bag (purse...whatever). My mom got us our favorite chex mix (homemade), funfetti cake mix, blueberry muffin mix, and some muffin cups. (we're easy to please) My sister got me this cup that when you put ice in it the ice lasts for 4 hours. It will come in handy at work for sure. My aunt sent us a santa salt and pepper shaker and an ornament...we've received a lot of ornaments this year which is humerous to us since we don't have a tree (Dave Ramsey Apartment is just too small) Carl's Grandma Bev and Aunt Sandy came through town on Friday and gave us lots of goodies like an oil dipping set ( like a glass oil thing with 4 little dipper saucer things) a Minnesota magnet for our fridge, some inspiring calendars, etc. Oh, and some santa jingle bell ornaments.


See you next year!!!

I do this at least twice a month

I'm completely over working full-time. I know this is no new rant, but seriously. If parents aren't going to do what it takes to be a parent. If they're going to do drugs while they're pregnant and create children that require special care. If they're going to distribute cocaine or sit in jail or kill their kids then I don't want to do this anymore.

You can have your insurance, your holidays, your cubicle, your office supplies, and your christmas parties. I'm want out.


So, if any of you are up for paying off my $50,000 school bill so I'm debt free, that'd be great.

don't hate. participate.

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

'tis better to give than to receive.

law school?

I'm thinking about it. I am extremely interested in the legal system and very much enjoy the court side of my job. I attended a 2 day legal training yesterday and today and that's where this is coming from. I seriously considered it in college as well. I even went as far as to request materials from OCU and OU schools of law. If I did end up pursuing it, I'd want to focus on juvenile or family law. Hm...what are your thoughts?

be jealous.

It was a great T-Give. I don't know why everyone doesn't live in the Northwest. It's actually Fall here. Here are some pics taken by my husband, Carl of our trip so far. (I took the one of him.) Tomorrow is the beach and then home on Sunday. I'll be speaking to all of you at some point about moving out here. It's a definite must. I'm thankful my in-laws are BOMB and live in such a wonderful place. 

heaven bound

okay, just the northwest. but you know it's the same.


i hope you're jealous.

i'll sure miss my g-ma's bomb punkin' pie...but i'm supposed to have one waiting when we get back! yessssssssssssss

happy early turkey lurkey jerkey day. gobble gobble.

worse than buying jeans

that is car shopping. there are so many scams and slime-y, greasy salesmen waiting for you to say "i'll take it." it could possibly be the most frustrating thing i've/we've ever done. i know you have to agree with me.

So far 4 of 4 cars we've test driven have had the check engine light on. 1 had to be jump-started (a great sign...plus we already have the Toyota for that) 2 had the ABS light on in addition to the CE. stuck windows, broken locks, dying sunroof motors, interiors complete with dog hair, blown headlight and bad brakes. i thought I was buying a car not to fix a car. Am i right?

We downsize to the apartment in 2.5 weeks. not 1 box is packed. whew knew that your stuff multiplies when you don't live in a dorm room anymore.

2 days off this week. Thank you veterans and brad henry. (friday is statehood day.)

T-minus one week till we will be chillaxing on the Oregon coast, eating punkin' pie, seeing the ocean/gorge/falls, and being in a way cooler town than I've been in for the last 22 years.

For those wondering about my job: I had my first real full day today. We celebrated with Macaroni Grill...i deserved to eat a whole loaf of bread before my meal. After all, I put in a 9 hour day while eating lunch at my desk and saving the world with one hand.

You're welcome.


*sorry to the grammar fanatics that are irritated at my lack of proper punctuation and capitalization.

something new

that's what i need. something new.

i'm looking for another job. if you know of one where i wouldn't stare at a computer all day and be expected to drop everything and come running 24/7...i'll definitely check it out. (even if it's just part time.)

that's all.

'cause 7 ate 9

while cleaning out our garage today, we found mousy 8, 9, and 10.

9 and 10 we apparently killed with our minds because they were found under a crate and behind a box...dead and smelly.

never-the-less, we have a clean garage and haven't caught any in the last 6 hours which obviously means that our cleaning worked.

i wish you peace and mouse-less-ness. :)

dead

Fival, Fifal, whatever that mouses name was...#1, 2, and 3 have seen their last days. I hope their friends get the message.

Don't mess with the Zoch House.

Number 4 just died. Booya.

and 5, 6, 7....still counting.

second first day

Today was my second first day on the job. I again sat at my desk most of the day and in a courtroom the rest. I have no cases but I did get my card key, work cell phone, and set up my desk voicemail. At least today was payday...


Oh, and we have mice in our house/garage. What a great day.

punkin' time.

you should carve a punkin'. it gets all your feelings out and is actually a lot of fun. my punkin' is a tribute to Spencer. his words deeply impact me. i hope you enjoy them as well. -peace to you.

the opposite of encouragement and a great movie

Frequent followers will remember that I am still in training for my job as a child welfare specialist with DHS. In a post a few weeks ago, I talked about how the training is somewhat depressing. At the least, it is the opposite of encouraging. I sit from 9-4:30, M-F, listening to stories of how crappy parents are, how crappy judges are, how horrible we are at our jobs, how many mistakes we will make, and how hopeless situations can be. I appreciate the reality check, however, is it necessary to hammer me with it for 5 weeks? (I guess the answer is probably. That way I figure out if I am cut out for this or not.)

Each day I sit through the lectures, I have an inner struggle of believing in myself. This job is full of opportunities. Opportunities to go crazy. To lose it. To ruin families. And to change lives. Make an impact. Be a role model. Be a teacher. Prove that there is hope for humanity. One minute I have no doubt I am meant to do this job. I know I can do and do it really well. The next minute, I am completely doubting myself and wondering if I should quit now and be a miserable secretary or discontented babysitter. Most days I think this is just a sign that I'm dealing with the fact that I have to be an adult and do a grown up job that makes no money and potentially reaps no rewards.

I have 7 days of training left. After that I am thrown into the world of a caseload and immediately start making decisions that affect the lives of children and families. I will have to be completely objective and leave my values and beliefs in the car as I walk up to a house where I will be greeted with distrust and confrontation. What a great challenge my job will be.

Okay, now that you too are depressed about my job, let's talk about a movie you need to see.

"The Kingdom." Some friends and I saw it last night. I wanted to see it because it looked like 24 meets Crash meets shoot-em-up. It looked intense, but not so much that I couldn't handle it. (I'm a wuss.) Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman are the FBI heroes that go to Saudi Arabia to help investigate terrorist attacks on American oil company workers and their families. It shows the deep roots and intensity of a Muslim culture. It shows how respecting a culture different than your own is beneficial when on their turf. It shows that not everyone in a labeled "bad guys" culture is bad. The team ends up working with and befriending a Saudi colonel. Anyway, the movie was heavy for me because it showed what life in like when your country is at war, whether it's within your country or with one across the ocean that has it's people in your country. I refuse to say at this point in my opinion, "I realized how lucky I am" or how "grateful I am to live in America." Instead, I sat there trying not to throw up and my heart breaking for a world that lives in a reality where war is even a possibility or a way of life. I cried knowing that the dream for the world is not to be at odds with each other and with an intensity that involves incredible violence. I cried because I know I participate in unconscious ways that perpetuate wars, whether it's between friends, countries, or the self.

I will admit I left the theater feeling unsafe and thinking about how paralyzing the mere threat of violence is. The national threat level is currently at "Elevated." While we continue to live our lives as "normal," I can't help but let my mind wander to the future when the reality will no longer be a threat, but will be in the streets outside my door. That may be days, months, years, decades. My hope for peace has to outweigh my fear of war or violence or whatever. I hope that I will now be more aware of ways I can participate and perpetuate peace instead of war.

That is also a huge responsibility.

i will update, but for now...

I will update and it will be bomb, trust me. but for now, here's some advice from my friend and my favorite song. I hope that you will float south to try and find your name.

"Don’t ask what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

iceburg

if this is all you ever knew, i could forgive you, if this is all you ever knew.
if this is all you ever saw, like an iceburg, that never got to thaw

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

if this was all that you could be,
sitting here playing your video games on the tv
and if this is all that you could do,
with your perfect job, and your perfect raise
and your benefits too

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

but i know that you have tasted a dream
and i know that it doesn't smell like a copier machine
and i know that you have heard the call of wilder things
i will never see

so i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try and find your name.

-Spencer Green

Training Days

Sorry to those of you who thought of the horrible movie "training day" before the fact that I am in my first week of training with my new job. (And sorry to Famous Dave: I will have to teach you about compost piles at a later date.)

So, I've survived 3 fairly intense days of training in Norman with the OKDHS training team. Everyone so far that's spoken to us has over 20 years experience with some side of DHS. It's incredible. I selfishly hope I do not become such a person. Anyway, here's the breakdown so far:

Day 1: Values, Objectivity, Storytime, Overview of Child Protective Services
We are told that whatever personal values we hold, we must leave them at the door. What is normal and acceptable for us is not the same for someone else, especially those who become our clients. A dirty house is the norm for them. A clean one is the norm for us. A mom smoking pot while her child is at school to relieve "stress" is not questionable (until she starts abusing/neglecting her kids). Those are just examples of what the lady told us and examples of the great laws in Oklahoma. You can smoke pot (until the police find out) and raise a child (as long as you're not abusing/neglecting your child.) You can have a dirty house until it affects the safety and well-being of your children. (Please note that dirty house can mean dirty clothes, leftover food, bugs, and it gets worse from there.) You can even test positive for drugs at your baby's birth and unless law enforcement or child welfare can prove you are abusing or neglecting that child or your other children, you go free. The In's and outs of a complex system sometimes aren't so great to learn. I apologize that I can't re-tell the stories I heard. Trust me they were believable an unbelievable at the same time. I kind of already touched on CPS policy...basically it's tricky and all about interpretation.

Day 2: CPS Policy, Sexual Abuse broad overview, Domestic Violence Oprah video
We learned when you can and can't remove a child from the home. We heard more stories about how the DA or judge let a father go free who admitted to brutally abusing his 8 week old baby girl. We learned a bagillion definitions and why it's important to know them and when they apply to situations. We got a watered down overview of sexual abuse which will be in depth next week. Finally, we watched an Oprah episode where she interviewed 3 women who were victims of domestic violence and heard their stories. It was super frustrating to hear them choose their partner over their children again and again.

Day 3: Slides and more slides.
We got to hear some stories today, but it was mostly pictures and videos. Today was sad and depressing. We were shown actual pictures of child victims of abuse and neglect. Everything from bruises, to scars, to burns, to head trauma, to death. 3 hours. It sucked and I cried and contemplated quitting my job. Then, we watched a Frontline story about a 4 year old who died in the Foster Care of a DHS worker of 25 years. The woman was an intake supervisor and was a foster mom to 2 little girls plus her own 2 boys. I won't tell you the story because there's no reason for you to know but it was very sad and depressing and I cried some more, questioned the nature of humanity, asked God why and how people were capable of doing such things, contemplated quitting my job again, and then spent the car-ride home trying to process the day.

I'm exhausted and a bit overwhelmed by the job I have undertaken. I am daily being confirmed that I'm in the right job. But we all know that job you love and feel called to has it's bad days.

I can say that this job has made me eternally grateful for the parents I have and had growing up. My life wasn't perfect and I thought I had it rough. Seeing the evils that go on down the street and next door to me, I have to hope that change is possible and that humanity is good and that life doesn't have to be this way for over 600,000 kids in DHS custody nation-wide.

I hope that now you will hope as well.

newness

No School.
New Job.
ANTM marathons.
Monday night "Hills" watch party's with Bennett. (She's one of my old roommates)
Grey's is starting soon.
The weather is finally cooling off.
School loans are due soon.
Fall Retreat is coming soon. (My favorite trip)


I haven't really had anything to write about lately.

I could tell you about my job, but there are few happy stories when it comes to child abuse and neglect. (And at least I have a job.)

I could tell you more about how I enjoy grocery shopping and using our new vacuum, but I think we all know how exciting that is to read about. (At least I can go grocery shopping without food stamps.)

I could tell you about the noises Carl's car is making (it is similar to a cappuccino machine) but at least we each have a car that works and we have no payments to make on them. (And we have good friends that help us fix our cars for cheap)


My life pretty much is about people. Eating with them, watching shows with them, etc. I know there's more to life than this...like saving the planet from global warming, starting a compost pile, having my own garden, recycling everything, being aware of what I'm supporting with my finances and time, not supporting walmart, yadda yadda yadda. I do agree with all of that. But some days, I need more than issues I care about to get me through the day. I need people.


PS, "Fast Food Nation" could be one of the best movies I've seen. It has inspired me to be more aware of what I eat, where I eat, and who I support. It embraces all kinds of issues and shows how they affect each other. You should check it out.

That's all.

Reporting for Duty

Well, I've just about finished my first week of my job. To refresh you, I'm a state employee with OKDHS in Child Welfare. Basically, I'm a social worker. I work with abused and neglected children to get them reunited with their families if possible and if I can't do that, I help place them in foster families and sometimes adoption.

I think if I could somehow know what a superhero felt like, this would be similar. You can't help but feel like you're making a difference when you're ensuring the immediate safety of children and sometimes their parents.

Days involve visits to court, visits to parents/children/foster families, documentation like you wouldn't believe, and setting up preventative services.

Unfortunately, I cannot disclose details of cases I've been a part of, but let me tell you that I have some great and heartbreaking stories just after 2 days in the field. (I've done computer training the other 2)

I'm thinking about requesting a switch to the intake side of child welfare. I'll keep you up to date about what's up but for now, i'm going to enjoy "jean day" at work tomorrow, read some books for training, and enjoy having a day off Monday! WOOP!

I got a jobby mcjob!

I am now officially an employee of the Department of Human Services for Oklahoma County in the state of Oklahoma!!! I will be working in the Child Welfare department in the permanency group. I start on Monday at 8am! I am very eager to start training and begin the journey of the secular work force. To pump myself up I've been watching episodes of Judging Amy on TNT.

Anyway, congratulations to me! And I'll try to write on Monday after my first day! WOO HOO!

updaty date

Well, all is well in the world tonight. Sorta. I must rewind to Sunday.

Sunday: Carl and I had a solo lunch at my fav. Macaroni Grill. Love their bread. Anyway, by the time we got home his grumpy mood had rubbed off on me and we ended up sleeping the afternoon away and hoping our attitudes would change. They did thanks to a 3 hour nap. Love you cloudy days. THEN, there was Kaleo where my hero Judy spoke and killed it. She seriously makes me want to be Christian. She is so Mother Teresa it's encouraging. However, I was struggling pre-service because I realized that having married friends and friends that live far away is a bummer. No one has time to hang out or run to Sonic or watch Greys on abc.com or be so incredibly hyper and laugh till you pee your pants or talk crap on your housemates America's Next Top Model style. So, I decided I needed friend time soon or i was going to be sad. Then, my loves Greg and Susan stopped by and after some chit chat, name calling, and hugs the once grumpy mood was gone. My other love Kaleb (bridesman, love him) came over and chilled at our bomb house and we saved the world.

Monday: Cool married friends Josh and Katie came over and we had a home-cooked meal of spaghetti, salad, bread, and dr pepper. awesome! Then we just hung out and tried to solve Katie's pinched nerve medical mystery. (We didn't quite solve it.) After this, I went to Bennett's house (my LOVE and one of my bridesmaids) and we watched "The Hills" and I don't care how many comments I get. I love the Hills and get over it. I needed a loud Benny hello and a hug and some friend time. After the show, we chatted and I left only to call Gatlin (my LOVE too and other bridesmaid) in Michi to tell her that she should move back to the 405 so I can see her face. We ended up talking for an hour (which is years in "i'm not a phone-talker" time) and it was also what I needed. It was so great to fill up on friend love.

Tuesday: I got my social security card in the mail today. This is good because if i DO get a job soon (siiiiiiiigh) then I'll have the proper paperwork instead of launching into the "my purse got stolen and it was in my wallet" story, which I appreciate. I watched some ANTM to remind myself that my life kicks and has very little drama. Then, Carl and I went to Greg and Susan's for SALMON! (Please sing the word Salmon) and to catch up. It turned into a 3 hour dinner which was a breath of fresh air. I love the way I laugh with Greg and Susan. It is that belly laugh that you really mean. Then, it was Thomas's Homecoming at the Airport! We picked up T-town and have been living it up back in the bomb house where Thomas is wrestling with Bauer on the hardwood floor.


Well.....That is all for now. Still no word from DHS about a job. I'm going to call and ask tomorrow though so that I can get on with my life. Tomorrow is full of helping Thomas move, having lunch w/Kendra @ Camille's, and picking up the beloved Taylor and Drew from school. Then more church.

Much Love.

ps, i think the "hungry like a wolf" old spice commercial is hilarious.

My stuff got jacked.

Helpful hint: Don't leave your purse in an unlocked car in the church parking lot.

Story: After a job interview (that went great!) at DHS with the Child Welfare office, taking my transcript back to DHS to get approval for direct hire, eating an amazing lunch at Papa Angelos pizza, and getting a drug/alcohol test (for said job) I took my signed paper to the church for Maria to fax to DHS for me. Only Maria and Ginger were there, so I parked the car (Oh, not even my car mind you) and left my phone, purse, job info in the front seat and thought to myself "I'll only be gone a minute." Less than 10 minutes later I return to an empty front seat...only my phone and papers are left.

So, while Maria is faxing my paper, a large bald Hispanic man comes to the intercom asking for school supplies for his kids. Ginger replies to him and he leaves. I could see the man on the TV monitor in Maria's office. I could also see the car. She hands me back the paper, we chat a minute and I go back outside. Through the windshield I can see that the seat is empty and paper on the ground outside the door make my heart beat fast and I run back inside saying "That guy stole my purse!"

The next 20 minutes were filled with phone calls to Carl, Arvest, and 911. I froze my accounts, filed a police report, and added a fraud alert with the 3 credit bureaus. Next, I cried, cursed my stupidity for leaving the car unlocked (which i never do) and for carrying my social security cards with me. (which you're not supposed to do.)

Contents Stolen:
-Large Red Bag

-Wallet (Arvest debit card, BOA debit card, new SS card with my married name, 2 check books (2 different accounts) some change, those saver cards and coupon cards, a $100 pier 1 gift card, 2 un-deposited checks totaling $270, Jon and Kelly's pool pass, my jump drive (complete with all my homework from college), and then misc. cards for subway and marble slab. I don't use them anyway.

-My EpiPen and Benedryl for allergy attacks along with some other medicines, chap stick, gum, pens, an umbrella, my planner, my keys (home, car, carl's car, my mom's house, including my ID holder with my old SS card, driver's license, school ID,) All of it is stupid replaceable crap (except my SS card. That sucks hard.)

-My glasses! Gr...

The guy left my cell phone and sunglasses as well as all my job info. Thank you sir.

My bomb of a husband met me at the tag agency and I got a new license for $10 then we went to Target and he was kind enough to get me a new bag and wallet (and the staple items of chap stick and gum. Duh.)

Moral of this story. Don't leave anything in your unlocked car. It'll get jacked and then you'll spend the next week waiting for replacement debit cards or sitting in the Social Security office. Maybe the guy will use one of the cards or checks and the police can catch him.

His kids can keep the school supplies though.

power

It's an interesting thing to think about the power that others hold over you. Whether they mean to or not, at some point someone has power over you.

Right now, the power I feel against me is in this interview process. I've never realized that when you interview somewhere you can be in a fairly vulnerable position. They have the power to offer me the job or not. They have the power to like me or not. They have the power to allow me to gain experience at their expense or to not. It's honestly a pretty scary process.

Today, I have my first 2 grown-up job interviews. I'm pretty nervous. I don't usually get nervous about stuff like this, but it's been 6 years since I've interviewed for a job. This time I'm fighting for a salary and benefits. Can you believe that? I will no longer have to punch in and out and be super careful to avoid the doctor (no insurance.) If they choose to exercise their power and offer me a job, they are giving me the ability to contribute to a household and to live a better life. At that point, they are giving me power to be motivated and care about what I'm doing.

Anyway, 10am and 4:30pm. Those are the interview times. If you choose to cheer for me, cheer for the 4:30 one. Cheer that I will be calm and be myself. I really want this job and I know I would really love doing it and be good at it. Oh, and you can cheer that they want me back for another interview. :)

Well. This is it. I'm off to join the "secular" world or the "work force" or whatever you want to call it.

I am officially an adult.

ps, i love my husband because he believes in me when i don't believe in myself.

waiting and symbols

i do not care much for waiting. it is on the verge of annoying. i've turned my resume in at a few places with no response. now again, i hate waiting. which means i'm also impatient. which means it's only been 3 business days. however, i also feel that if i'm a company and i'm hiring, i'm going to be calling some people for an interview pretty quickly. the end. i'm still waiting...

symbols. i will apologize in advance for hurting anyone's feelings (especially my husband's and Josh McCullock) with this rant. the iphone. i love apple products. i am a believer in the Mac revolution and that everyone should get one. i might even get behind the ipod. here's my beef with the iphone. i understand that it has "everything you need"-calendar, note pad, internet, phone, music, movies, blah blah blah. So isn't it basically just an imac with a phone but fits in your pocket? okay it's cheaper. here's what i think. the iphone is for boys what a coach bag is for girls. people don't buy the newest coach bag because it has more space or new accessories, they buy it because of the stupid C's all over it. not because it's super durable, will last a lifetime, or has the ability hold more stuff. It's just the newer one. The blackberry is a phone, Internet, calendar, note/to-do holder, and some can even hold tv shows or movies. okay no music. bummer. but you already have an ipod so just plug it into your car speakers, computer speakers, whatever. what makes the iphone so great?! it's new. it's sleak. it's apple. it has everything.

well i'm over it and if my life has become such that i "need" to carry around a mini-computer in my pocket then i'm going to simplify my life instead of upgrade my phone. but that's just me.

i love the rain the most

it's true. i love the gray. i love the smell of wet asphalt. i love the cool. i love the sounds. i love the green. i love the snowcones. i love my green blanket and couch in the afternoons after work. i love eating at home. i love friends. i love being a wife. but i do love the rain the most.