d-word life: the end of the day

Up front, I want you to know I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm processing a lot of things right now and I need to get some thoughts down.

There are seasons with the whole d-word life. They come and go...don't normally stay too terribly long (at least in my experience.) But there will be times where I feel really good and solid and independent. I'm fine with this stage of healing. I'm fine flying solo.

And there are other times where I just want someone to be there when I get home. Where I don't want the bed to be empty. Where I want some burly arms to collapse into. Where I just need to hear that someone is breathing beside me.

These times are always flanked with stress. I'm back in counseling and the next 2 weeks hold a lot of homework and responsibilities. I found myself turning the corner to come home and grab my books for class....reflecting on memories of marriage. Memories of having a partner. Memories of a chest that rises and falls next to me and strong arms that did a good job of catching and carrying me.

I'm going to be okay. I'm going to make it. And I'm going to do it on my own; with the breath and strength of my community sustaining me on days like today.

Namaste.