Friday, February 10, 2012

Ebeneezer: stone of remembrance

This has been a weird week. Not necessarily hard, but it has felt weird. It has felt "off." I couldn't put my finger on it. I was feeling the usual stress to get everything done at work. I was feeling lonely but figured it was just because I had to spend my weekend laying on my back instead of running around and being with friends. I was feeling a weight on my chest. But it dawned on me at about 3:00pm today that this was a heavy week in my life last year. This was the defining week. This was when life got real. Choices were made. Words were spoken. Promises were broken. This was when the fog got really thick. I don't hate that I'm sentimental, but it can get annoying that I remember every little piece of every little thing that happened.

This weekend last year, my dad got on a plane, my sister got in the car, and my family all got together to do what you do when life gets crazy hard.

Be together.

I've been kinda angry this week. Especially tonight. I didn't want to be home alone mulling over thoughts of last year. I didn't want to venture back into that fog. But a funny thing happens when you look back and see how far you've come. You remember how good it feels to not be back there anymore. It feels good to be almost 20 pounds lighter. It feels good to be taking care of myself. It feels good to be healthy. It feels good to be playing music again. It feels good to actually buy groceries and make myself a meal.

I needed to acknowledge that this weekend was here. I needed to raise an Ebeneezer and remember it's "hither by thy help I've come." Another milestone for the rear-view mirror. Another sentimental anniversary reclaimed and turned into something good. 



Susan said...

Hello, I guess I should say I really just stumbled in here (googling for my own site actually and clicked the wrong link but glad I did). I read this post and I have to ask ARE YOU ME? This past week I've felt the same "offness" (is that a word?) and I'm also feeling somewhat dazed and weighed down by something I just can't put my finger one. I just never thought to look back and compare the past to my present though I probably should have. Funny thing, at the beginning of the year I said to myself "Sue, It's going to be a good year" but it seems so far I've had so much family drama it's making my head spin (the latest being just this past Friday!!) Sigh...

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone... I pray you will have a better week, and an even better week as time goes by.


Erin Roehm said...

Bye, indeed.