'cause 7 ate 9

while cleaning out our garage today, we found mousy 8, 9, and 10.

9 and 10 we apparently killed with our minds because they were found under a crate and behind a box...dead and smelly.

never-the-less, we have a clean garage and haven't caught any in the last 6 hours which obviously means that our cleaning worked.

i wish you peace and mouse-less-ness. :)

dead

Fival, Fifal, whatever that mouses name was...#1, 2, and 3 have seen their last days. I hope their friends get the message.

Don't mess with the Zoch House.

Number 4 just died. Booya.

and 5, 6, 7....still counting.

second first day

Today was my second first day on the job. I again sat at my desk most of the day and in a courtroom the rest. I have no cases but I did get my card key, work cell phone, and set up my desk voicemail. At least today was payday...


Oh, and we have mice in our house/garage. What a great day.

punkin' time.

you should carve a punkin'. it gets all your feelings out and is actually a lot of fun. my punkin' is a tribute to Spencer. his words deeply impact me. i hope you enjoy them as well. -peace to you.

the opposite of encouragement and a great movie

Frequent followers will remember that I am still in training for my job as a child welfare specialist with DHS. In a post a few weeks ago, I talked about how the training is somewhat depressing. At the least, it is the opposite of encouraging. I sit from 9-4:30, M-F, listening to stories of how crappy parents are, how crappy judges are, how horrible we are at our jobs, how many mistakes we will make, and how hopeless situations can be. I appreciate the reality check, however, is it necessary to hammer me with it for 5 weeks? (I guess the answer is probably. That way I figure out if I am cut out for this or not.)

Each day I sit through the lectures, I have an inner struggle of believing in myself. This job is full of opportunities. Opportunities to go crazy. To lose it. To ruin families. And to change lives. Make an impact. Be a role model. Be a teacher. Prove that there is hope for humanity. One minute I have no doubt I am meant to do this job. I know I can do and do it really well. The next minute, I am completely doubting myself and wondering if I should quit now and be a miserable secretary or discontented babysitter. Most days I think this is just a sign that I'm dealing with the fact that I have to be an adult and do a grown up job that makes no money and potentially reaps no rewards.

I have 7 days of training left. After that I am thrown into the world of a caseload and immediately start making decisions that affect the lives of children and families. I will have to be completely objective and leave my values and beliefs in the car as I walk up to a house where I will be greeted with distrust and confrontation. What a great challenge my job will be.

Okay, now that you too are depressed about my job, let's talk about a movie you need to see.

"The Kingdom." Some friends and I saw it last night. I wanted to see it because it looked like 24 meets Crash meets shoot-em-up. It looked intense, but not so much that I couldn't handle it. (I'm a wuss.) Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman are the FBI heroes that go to Saudi Arabia to help investigate terrorist attacks on American oil company workers and their families. It shows the deep roots and intensity of a Muslim culture. It shows how respecting a culture different than your own is beneficial when on their turf. It shows that not everyone in a labeled "bad guys" culture is bad. The team ends up working with and befriending a Saudi colonel. Anyway, the movie was heavy for me because it showed what life in like when your country is at war, whether it's within your country or with one across the ocean that has it's people in your country. I refuse to say at this point in my opinion, "I realized how lucky I am" or how "grateful I am to live in America." Instead, I sat there trying not to throw up and my heart breaking for a world that lives in a reality where war is even a possibility or a way of life. I cried knowing that the dream for the world is not to be at odds with each other and with an intensity that involves incredible violence. I cried because I know I participate in unconscious ways that perpetuate wars, whether it's between friends, countries, or the self.

I will admit I left the theater feeling unsafe and thinking about how paralyzing the mere threat of violence is. The national threat level is currently at "Elevated." While we continue to live our lives as "normal," I can't help but let my mind wander to the future when the reality will no longer be a threat, but will be in the streets outside my door. That may be days, months, years, decades. My hope for peace has to outweigh my fear of war or violence or whatever. I hope that I will now be more aware of ways I can participate and perpetuate peace instead of war.

That is also a huge responsibility.

i will update, but for now...

I will update and it will be bomb, trust me. but for now, here's some advice from my friend and my favorite song. I hope that you will float south to try and find your name.

"Don’t ask what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

iceburg

if this is all you ever knew, i could forgive you, if this is all you ever knew.
if this is all you ever saw, like an iceburg, that never got to thaw

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

if this was all that you could be,
sitting here playing your video games on the tv
and if this is all that you could do,
with your perfect job, and your perfect raise
and your benefits too

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

but i know that you have tasted a dream
and i know that it doesn't smell like a copier machine
and i know that you have heard the call of wilder things
i will never see

so i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try and find your name.

-Spencer Green