Memphis is pictures: Day 3

Civil Rights Museum. Memphis BBQ @ Rendezvous. Graceland. Sidewalk cafe with live music. Elvis statue. Ernestine & Hazels. Beale Street again. Fancy night out. Trolley ride. Celebration.

*Same as the last two posts. All from our phones. All by us. All edited in Instagram.

Memphis in pictures: Day 2

Beale Street. Lunch at Rum Boogie Cafe. Stranger #2. Sun Studios. Afternoon quiet time at a sidewalk cafe. Glamor Shots in a field. Three tries at eating dinner....but the food was worth the drama. Hotel cable and down comforters. Enjoy.

*all images taken by me or Kristen on my iPhone 3GS or Kristen's iPhone 4 and edited with Instagram.

Memphis in pictures: Day 1

Open road. Little Rock. Strangers. Sites and sounds. Enjoy.

*All taken with my 3gs iPhone and edited with Instagram. (Except the 3rd from the bottom which was taken and edited by Kristen.

Walking in Memphis...cliche, I know!

First of all, I've sort of avoided blogging recently because Memphis was exactly what I dreamed it would be and there haven't seemed like adequate words to share with you what the trip was for me. Looking back, I wish we'd set up a Real World: Confessional Cam where Kristen and I could talk about each day. The Kellys really appreciate you following our tweets and thinking we're hilarious. We had a blasty.

What was the point of going?
The main reason for going was because we wanted to take a trip. We both had the itch to get out of town. We also felt like we'd reached a point in our recovery from divorce that we deserved to reclaim a few things. Lucky for Kristen and I, we're pretty much soulmates. We're on the same page with pretty much everything in life. That made it REAL easy to plan and travel together. Also, Kristen's would-be-anniversary was over the weekend we were away and I wanted to celebrate my birthday the way it should've been celebrated. So it was a re-birthday/unniversary celebratory road trip of freedom and independence!

What did you see/do while there?
We made a list of things we wanted to do and places we wanted to eat. We didn't want to plan too much of the trip out, but wanted to have options so we weren't left to recreate the scene from Jungle Book where the buzzards say "Well, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "NOW DON'T START THAT AGAIN!" We hit the Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock, Sun Studios, The Civil Rights Museum, Graceland (for a whopping 15 minutes), Summer Ave (disappointment), Beale Street, and Germantown. We ate some fantastic food at places like Rum Boogie Cafe, Rendezvous BBQ, Hueys, McEwans, and an Italian place that I can't remember but I do remember it being our 3rd attempt at a sit-down dinner. We took time both Friday and Saturday afternoon to sit an an outdoor cafe, once with live music and just have a snack and chill for a bit. We also left about 1-2 hours a day to just relax in our hotel room. (And you know after a year without cable, hotel cable is like Christmas! WHAT UP DISCOVERY CHANNEL!)

You need to know this:
We took pictures with strangers. We made videos. We made a video of our fingers doing a kick-line to a song from Chicago. We talked like the Kellys pretty much 85% of the time.(*please ask for a live, in-person demonstration.)  We sang Lady Gaga's "You and I" twice in a row with the windows down after a fancy dinner. We visited several spots that were in the movie "Elizabethtown" because I am obsessed with it. We slept in every day. We said we were going to split meals and then never did. We pretended to be Beyonce and sang "Love on Top" at least 2-3 times a day. We took a lot of pictures with our phones and very few with cameras. We think Martin Luther King, JR was handsome. We love Memphis and hope to return for a Thunder vs Grizzlies game in the future. Oh, we also only found "real" Memphis when we went to Graceland. The rest of the time, we felt completely safe and not at all in danger of being jumped/pickpocketed/kidnapped. Everyone we talked to was very sweet, hospitable, helpful, and told us we were beautiful and looked very happy. You know the Kellys are always stylin'.

Thoughts/Reflections:
Of course it was nice to be away for 4 days. Of course it was beyond fun to listen to music at a loud volume with the sunroof open and singing at the top of our lungs. Of course it made my heart feel good to laugh to the point of tears over stupid things. The absolute best part of the whole time away was celebrating the milestone of where I stand right this minute as opposed to where I stood 6 months ago. I don't think I stopped smiling from the second we got in the car until we crossed back over the Mississippi into Arkansas to come home. It was one of the best trips I've been on in my life. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that it was mine. It was for me. It wasn't a tag onto an existing trip. It wasn't a business trip. It wasn't to visit anyone. It was to celebrate my life. It was to recognize where I've been and where I am now. It was to embrace happiness. I think I smothered happiness with a big 'ole bear hug and said "It's really great to meet you."

WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?
They're on my computer. They're coming. I promise.


"GOODNIGHT MEMPHIS!" - Sloppy Sober Tour, Fall 2011.

Eastbound and Down

Facts:

-The list of places to eat is longer than the list of things to do.

-The weather in Memphis is going to be perfect.

-The mayor of Memphis asked to follow me on Twitter.

-The amount of pictures taken on this trip may exceed ridiculous. I'm more than okay with that.

-Every time I type ridiculous I have to have spell check fix it.

-Chris Tomlin just came up on my Justin Bieber Pandora. What?!

-I am putting off packing because it's my favorite part of trip preparations.

-I bought 3 pairs of pants and 2 shirts for less than I paid for 1 hoodie. And that was $20. WHAT UP.

-Since only 1 of you entered the gas station t-shirt contest, I'll be making some killer playlists. ***EDIT*** I had a hand delivered last minute entry. So now 2 of you will battle it out!

-The laundry fairy is real.

Bye.

reflections on being a d-word: addition/subtraction

Kristen and I talk a lot about how much we've both changed through the process of divorce. It's hard not to look back on who you were before, who you are now, and look at the difference. One thing both of us have tried reeeeaaaaaaallllyyyy hard to do is to empty our lives of the things that don't add to our lives.

That has taken the shape of a lot of different things. I canceled my entire TV service. I took up exercising like a trainer regularly. I'm back at yoga. I'm going to counseling. I'm attending a weekly support group called Divorce Care. I've made face-time with friends a priority. (And I'm talking face-to-face, not via iPhone.)  I've tried to evaluate my life and find the common denominators that subtract life. Things are hard enough right now! I don't need something else trying to drag me down into the pit of despair! Sometimes that has meant setting boundaries and saying no to some responsibilities. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's healthy. It's necessary. And the rewards are so much better than pleasing people and being able to talk about the latest episode of Glee. There's a lot of noise in life that just doesn't matter. I'm trying to keep that volume down.

You know what? It feels really good. When you take away the things that are subtracting from your life, it leaves all this room that you can fill with things that give you life. I replaced watching tv with practicing yoga. I replaced eating alone with a support group. I replaced depression with counseling. I replaced a damaged self-esteem with motivation. I've made some new friends. I've discovered some new hobbies. I've re-dreamt some dreams.

Kristen has shared several posts with me from this blog called Zen Habits. Before you start telling me that's new-age and meditation doesn't work and blah blah blah...I'd encourage you to read the post on scarcity. I identify with it right now and I hope these lifestyle changes stick around. I think a scarce life can bring a lot of joy.

I will close with 5 things I like about myself. This is a practice I'm trying to do daily that I borrowed from this blog. (The sociologist in me is LOVING her experiment! I've noticed the longer I go without looking in the mirror, the better I feel about myself.)

1) My fingers and toes.
2) My comedic timing. (*cue drums and cymbal)
3) My hair.
4) My eyes.
5) My random freckles.

I hope you can do some addition and subtraction in your life. I know it's made a huge difference in mine.

reflections on being a d-word: sleeping

I want to talk about divorce today. That doesn't happen every day so I figure I should take advantage of it.

I'm not sleeping well right now which means thoughts are running and spinning and echoing more than normal. Not sleeping well isn't new to my life in 2011, but it's especially annoying right now. Sleep has always been a favorite activity of mine. Growing up, I shared a room with my sister.  Now, you need to know that the only person in my family that enjoys getting up in the morning is my Mom. The rest of us have our own personal rituals for waking up, but we are all the same in that we'd prefer to not talk to anyone until we've been allowed to be awake for at least 30 minutes. (An hour preferably.) I won't speak for my siblings, but I am still very much this way. I lay in bed for about 30 minutes after my 3rd (final) alarm goes off.  I get up, get ready, drive to work, and usually don't need to talk to anyone for about the first hour or hour and a half of my work day. I was lucky that the 2 roommates I had in college also followed a similar ritual of waking up. Okay, waking up has very little to do with sleeping. Focus Cara!

One of my favorite memories about being married to my husband was our morning routine. When we first got married, I got up before he did and would get ready and leave for work (usually before he was even awake, much less up and around.) After my seizure, he was the one getting up and leaving for work while I was still in bed. Regardless, the days we would get to be at home in the mornings together, we had this silent language...this rhythm that we danced to while waking up. We would get up, he would make his coffee, I would get my juice. We'd make our respective breakfasts or I would make us pancakes or waffles. We'd usually have music playing or CNN on. We'd eat and drink. Maybe exchange tired faces and a laugh or two...but not really exchange words until we both gave the signal. I have no idea what the signal was...it's just one of those things you figure out when you live with someone. You speak a silent language.

The first house we lived in together had one bathroom and we were up and around maybe 3 days a week at the same time which meant we had to share the bathroom. In my head, I can see us in that bathroom doing this sort of choreographed dance you have to do when sharing a bathroom. It was a pedestal sink too so there was no counter space. Lots of juggling. That silent language came in handy.

Since overcoming my fear of staying/living alone earlier this year, most nights are great. I fall asleep quickly, sleep all night, wake up contemplating calling in sick so I can continue sleeping....etc. I've noticed though that the times over the last 8 months that I've stayed with someone on a trip or someone has stayed at my house, I sleep on a completely different level. I sleep hard. I sleep deeply. I sleep soundly. I wake up feeling completely rested. I know the majority of that is because I feel safe, secure, and connected. I'm not alone. I tweeted the other day:

Immediately after tweeting it, I knew exactly why I stall going to sleep. It's because I have to face the fact, nearly every night, that he isn't there. He's not coming home. It's on me. I have to handle whatever happens in the night. If OG&E shows up with chainsaws and cuts my power and I think a horror movie is about to unfold...I'm going to have to suck it up and start slaying some dragons. Ah HAH! Here is the real issue. It's not that I don't think I can do it. I know I can do it if I have to. Key words: if I have to.

I didn't get married to avoid having to slay dragons on my own at 3am. But it's a nice bonus. Especially when you marry someone who's as tall as a dragon.

This week has been really interesting. I've been more introspective than usual and almost constantly processing. I realized my voice-mail still says my old name. I signed a credit card slip wrong. I nearly had a panic attack thinking I'd left my wedding ring somewhere. I was out running errands and thought "well I'll just ask him to do that." It was like I had temporary amnesia and my brain decided to take a week off of being divorced. "Oh, okay, well we'll just go back to being married," my brain was telling me. I had a Jim Carey moment from Liar Liar where I looked at myself in the mirror and said "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

I miss that silent language. I miss the choreography of living with someone. I miss that underlying rhythm of sharing life.

The question I've had the most over the last few months has been, "If you knew then what the outcome would be, would you still have gotten married?" This question doesn't bother me and it's an easy answer.

Yes. Every day, every minute, every second. Yes.

The person who divorced me, is not the person I married.  That's what makes it so easy to answer.

I look forward to sleeping like I used to. Someday.

Memphis or Bust

I know we said that you were going to pick where we went on our road trip....but we decided we'd rather go to Memphis. (And the fact that nearly everyone said we should go to ABQ made us want to go to Memphis even more. We are such rebels.)

So it's Memphis or Bust.

You can follow our hilarity via tweets @wearethekellys. That way we don't annoy you with our constant reports of having fun and inside jokes on our individual twitter accounts.

If you know of a place we MUST stop and see between OKC and Memphis, let us know. We're trying to go all Elizabethtown on this road trip.

Also, you're welcome to submit playlists or mixed tapes for us to listen to on our adventure! The best DJ mix will be rewarded with a gas station t-shirt. You know you want one.

17 days and counting.

you pick

Okay. I need your help. Please vote below.

My friend Kristen and I are taking a road trip in 3 weeks! We had been planning on going to Albuquerque, NM because neither of us had ever been, it wasn't too far away, but far enough that it wasn't close and it would probably be cooler (in more ways than one) than OKC. But, this morning, through a series of hilarious emails (per usual) we tossed around the idea of going to Memphis, TN!

As some of you may or may not know, Kristen and I decided if we were to ever become stand-up comedians, we would call ourselves Sloppy Sober and our fall tour would kick off in some random smallish city. We practice saying "GOODNIGHT MEMPHIS!" and dropping our mics and walking off stage. This has grown to a level of outrageous where we have decided we will have dance routines, matching sequin outfits, songs, impressions...you name it, it's probably in our "show." And we don't care if you don't think this is as funny as we do.

So, instead of flipping a coin and continuing the "No really, I don't care, we can do whatever" emails, we decided we would take it to the people and let them decide which way we're headed...EAST or WEST. So please, humor us and tell us where you think we should go! (PS, The annual balloon festival in ABQ is in October, so don't let that factor into your decision.)

Albuquerque, NM

OR

Memphis, TN

update

Things I'm doing right now:

-playing music regularly.

-taking a rowing class. (Like, "Crew" rowing.)

-getting rid of some baggage. (literal and figurative)

-exercising regularly.

-spending as much time as possible with people.

-participating in a weekly Divorce Care class/support group

-going to counseling.

-dreaming some dreams for the (near) future.

-planning trips to visit people I miss.

-contemplating some decisions. (housemate, selling my car)

-borrowing JP's mandolin and learning to play it!

-thinking about going back to school.

-finishing Season 1 of Arrested Development.

Thank you ALL for your comments and emails and messages of support. I'm doing okay; taking it one day at a time. I can't believe it's already the middle of August. I'm so ready for September and October to be here. They are my favorite months of the year. And then, before you know it, December will be here and we all get a chance to have a new start. I know I'm looking forward to a new year!

PS: Happy back-to-school! "I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I had your name and address."

d word

John Mayer said this: "I can tell you this much, I will marry just once." ("Home Life" from his Heavier Things album.) Oh John....I thought the same thing. Forever is forever. A covenant is a covenant. Til death means....well, death.

Here's the thing. Sometimes people change their minds. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you want to be married or how much you want things to work or how much time and energy you put into someone, they still have the ability to choose. They can decide to walk away. And that, in a nutshell is what happened to me circa January 18th. More solidly February 11th,  semi-permanently March 18th, and legally April 7th.

I've compiled a list of words that start with "d" that I have felt or are associated with my situation over the last 6 months.

Derailed
Devastated
Disappointed

Decision

Deeply hurt
Dishonest
Dikes
Development
Disaster
Dumped
Duped
Dumb
Discombobulated
Dis-chord
Douchebag
Diamond
Dick
Deserted
Devotion
Dagger
Dollars
Dents
Drowning
Desk job
Doing
Deceived
Desire
Denial
Defining
Damnit (*Sorry Mom.)
Dawn

Don't 

Dig Deep
Dancing
Disconnected
Dictatorship
Distance
Disfunction
Divorce

Yep. Divorce. That's the d word. It is such an ugly word. It carries a lot of baggage. I don't like saying it. I don't like saying "ex" before the word husband. I don't like the year 2011. I'm sure I won't feel that way forever....but I do right now and in the practice of honesty, I'm not going to sugar-coat this.

In the beginning of all of the chaos that has been 2011, I felt like that guy that Tom Hanks was playing in Cast Away. I felt like a plane crashed right into my life, over an ocean, and I was the only survivor. And of course that ocean was in the midst of both a tsunami and a hurricane. I felt like the first time I tried the Wave Pool at White Water and went too deep. I was just getting kicked in the rear by waves from all sides. I was gasping for air.

My chest physically hurt until somewhere in the middle of March. It felt like my heart had literally broken into 12847193723847102834 pieces and yet were all still loosely held together by really worn out threads. And somehow, my heart was still able to beat. But it was like 4 different sections all had different beats. I felt like I could hear all the clanging and banging and chaotic tumbling the pieces were doing in there. All the while, feeling the literal pain of it trying to simultaneously function and keep me alive.  It was brutal. I’ve never felt anything like it before. My _____ was shattered. I’ve inserted different things into that blank over the months.

Brain. Heart. Soul. Body. Self-Worth. Confidence. Marriage. Identity.

I’m happy to report, now, standing on the other side of the year,  July 1, 2011, I have hope. I still have my days...but they are fewer and farther between. The waves have calmed down. They’re still there, but I found a piece of the wreckage and I have clung to it. Recently, I found a life vest. That has allowed me to have times of rest while I’m treading water. Down the road, there will be a boat. And I’ll climb inside. And I’ll find my way to an island. And I’ll open my mysterious Cast Away packages that contain hope. And I’ll put them to use. And eventually....somewhere in the future....I will build a raft and I will conquer the ocean. And I’ll get scooped up my a big ‘ole fishing vessel that will bring me to shore. Back home. Back where my heart is whole and healed. And hopefully, that shore will have a person standing on the shore waiting to share life with me. Forever. Till death.  And they will wake up every morning and choose me. And if that happens, I’ll have a big party and you’re all invited.

Now, I hope that takes care of the questions and if it doesn’t....just keep it to yourself. I’m ready to move forward.

i promise i'm coming back

I really am. I get to skip out on my 9 to 5 for a few days away in DC for the 4th and I couldn't be more excited. I have a layover on the way there and am planning on doing a major blog/life update during that time. So watch your RSS feeder this weekend!


Until then, you'll have to keep making up stories about my life. :)

it's may

PTL. I made it. It's freaking May. Thank goodness. I will write a blog soon that fills those of you in who are still in the dark as to what I'm referring to. Sorry to make you wait a little longer.

In other news, today I had a great hair day, felt really pretty, felt skinny and had lots of self-confidence. This hasn't happened in a long while. I enjoyed every minute of those feelings today and hope today won't be the last time I feel that way.

That's all for now.

PS: I'm learning to speak a new language. I'm speaking this language with some new friends. They happen to be speaking the same language too. It is scary. It's sad. It's funny. It's comforting. It's deep breaths of fresh air. I will reveal this new language soon.

Happy May everyone.

profound statement

I got an email this weekend from my friend and neighbor Ashley. I think she's pretty eloquent. I think I am not. She said this:

"Please let me know what language you speak in these times. I'll learn it."

I thought that was so profound.  After thinking it over, we all speak different languages at different times in life. I speak one language in happy times. I speak another in hard times. I speak another with family and another with friends. I speak one with kids and one with adults. It's hard to be multi-lingual. And it's hard to translate others languages in different seasons of life. What a good question to ask.

For the record, I speak the language of humor and ice cream and movies in times like these.

What language do you speak and when?

35 emails

That's how many emails I had in my work email this morning. This is my first day with access to my email. Lots of those were hellos and welcoming words from friends around campus (here and afar!)

My brain is swollen from all the information it's had to soak up the last 2 days. It's like starting a still merry-go-round. It's going to take a few hard pushes to get it spinning. That's what my brain feels like. I'm confident I'll be able to handle it once I get the wheels spinning!

Oh, and I can't wait to work out in the fitness center. Who says that?! Someone who gets bonuses for working out, that's who!

they deserve a listen

You should find a way to listen to these people....

: The Civil Wars

: First Aid Kit


Specific Songs...

: Same In Any Language---(I Nine)

: Leather and Lace---(Stevie Nicks & Don Henley)

: Orphan Girl---(Emmylou Harris)

: We Belong---(Pat Benetar) (That's right. I said it. This song makes me so happy and dancy.)

new year efforts: checking in!

I'm checking in to let you know how I'm doing with my New Year Efforts so far! I graded myself, so cut me a little slack but I tried to be really honest!

1. Be nicer. (React slower, keep your mouth shut, be stingy with your opinions.)
----I'm working really hard on this one. So far, I feel like I'm doing pretty well! A-

2. Honk less. (Be a nicer driver in general.)
----Surprisingly, I've done really well with this! (But I will admit, this last week I've done a lot of talking to other drivers from behind my car windows.)  B+

3. Volunteer at a local non-profit. Currently considering Infant Crisis Services, Citizens Caring for Children, and CASA. 
----*crickets chirping* F

4. Show my face and get to know students at Destiny Urban Academy on a regular basis. (I'm on the board of this school and have only visited the students once in almost a year. Not acceptable!)
----*more crickets* F

5. Send more mail. I think I've sent a total of 5 cards this year. (Not counting xmas cards.) It's always fun to get mail!
----I've sent 5 cards so far! A!

6. Play some music on a semi-regular basis. (Meaning, an instrument. That guitar is collecting dust!)
----I've played my guitar a few times, but not regularly. B-

7. Be vigilant about date nights with your husband. Pick a night and guard it like Fort Knox.
----I'll skip this subject for now.

8. Get serious about your health! Stop watching Biggest Loser and start making changes!
----I was doing really well with my Jillian Michaels dvd and Zumba. But Jillian has been on vacation for a few weeks. :-/  C-

9. Get involved on some level at church. Join a small group, go to a class or bible study. Dare I say Sunday School???
----I'm currently doing Financial Peace for the second time. B+

10. Take your friendships to the next level. (Remember special times (bdays, anniversaries) LISTEN, be thoughtful, and be REAL.)
----B+

11. Take more pictures of your life.
----D. I'm not completely failing but I'm not passing either.

That's all for now.

break

I'll be taking a break from blogging. Feel free to email me (carazoch@gmail.com) in the meantime. I will miss you blogosphere and my bloggy friends.

overcoming it

I conquered a fear this week. A big fear. I'm reaaalllllyyyyy proud of myself! For a long time....like my whole life...I've been afraid of the dark and I've never stayed overnight alone. I get paranoid really easily and so I've always made arrangements for when Carl goes out of town. This week I decided it was time...I had to conquer the fear of sleeping in the house alone.

SO, with Bauer at the foot of the bed, (who I knew would be ferocious sorta startled if anyone tried to break-in) I made it through Monday night only waking up about 9 times. I learned to take off Bauer's collar so I wouldn't wake up to every jingle he makes when he switches sleeping positions. All the nights since have been totally fine. It's weird...after the first night, it's been no big deal. I think being semi-snowed-in helped me psychologically. It was like I had no choice.

So, on to the next! Anybody else out there conquered a fear recently?

Not sorry for you

I just can't feel sympathy for people who wait til the snow is actually falling to run to wal-mart....and then tell everyone how annoyed they are over social media. It's called planning ahead. Try it some time.

#justsaying
#snowmygosh2011

And yes, I brought hash tags to the blogosphere.

Just a song

I got suckered into watching a Miley Cyrus movie. So sue me. It had Greg Kinnear in it! I love him! Anyway, I liked the closing song (of course sung by Miley.) Here's some of the lyrics. This is a lame post. Sorry.

"When my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you"

I'm going through a lot right now and I just really like these words.

Bye.

26

Welp. Here goes being 26!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

we're still the best

We make really good Christmas cards. We don't send very many out, but we try to be funny in different ways each year. This is our card from this year. Yes. We're awesome.

It's happened

Well, it was inevitable. I just was so sure it would've been longer before it happened. I'm not near old enough for it to be here already, can I?

I'm talking about the cyclical motion the fashion world moves through. In middle school I was sure I would never wear jeans that didn't go over my shoes. Oops. Skinny jeans are my friend. Tonight, it happened. I saw them in Target.




What?! Shortalls and overalls are back!!! I wore overalls and a white shirt with blue sneakers 6 days a week my entire 6th grade year. I know now how frumpy and unflattering they are, but at the time I thought there was nothing better to wear.

I also saw a pair of floral patterned jeans in the girls section. I used to wear tons of floral shirts, turtlenecks and rompers back in the day.

Crap.

new year efforts

I'll be adding (and hopefully not subtracting) from this list of goals for 2011!

1. Be nicer. (React slower, keep your mouth shut, be stingy with your opinions.)

2. Honk less. (Be a nicer driver in general.)

3. Volunteer at a local non-profit. Currently considering Infant Crisis Services, Citizens Caring for Children, and CASA.

4. Show my face and get to know students at Destiny Urban Academy on a regular basis. (I'm on the board of this school and have only visited the students once in almost a year. Not acceptable!)

5. Send more mail. I think I've sent a total of 5 cards this year. (Not counting xmas cards.) It's always fun to get mail!

6. Play some music on a semi-regular basis. (Meaning, an instrument. That guitar is collecting dust!)

7. Be vigilant about date nights with your husband. Pick a night and guard it like Fort Knox.

8. Get serious about your health! Stop watching Biggest Loser and start making changes!

9. Get involved on some level at church. Join a small group, go to a class or bible study. Dare I say Sunday School???

10. Take your friendships to the next level. (Remember special times (bdays, anniversaries) LISTEN, be thoughtful, and be REAL.)

11. Take more pictures of your life.


It's a place to start. When I add items or accomplish/"in-progress" items, I'll re-post the list. Who's with me?!

move it

People. Get off your phone. You're not able to notice when the light turns green and it makes me upset at you. When I'm upset, I tend to honk. So when the light has been green for a good while and you still haven't moved, I will honk until you move. And I'm not sorry.

Sincerely,


-citizen

Sickly

I haven't been sick in a long time. Especially stay-in-bed sick. I have had a fever for 2 days of 102. I haven't had a fever since I don't know when! I apparently got bronchitis overnight and it has a deathly grip on me. Ugh! After catching up on my shows which took all of 4 hours yesterday....I've been using Hulu and Netflix for all they're worth. Unfortunately, I can't remember anything I've seen! I'm on cough meds with codeine so I've been living in a cloud of sitting up, laying down, going pee, laying down, sitting up....you get it.

Here's a pic of my side-table.



I'm pathetic. My sweet husband is doing his best to take care of me. Even at 25, I still want my Mommy!

Well....that is all.

Returner

Out of every purchase, I return at least one item probably 75% of the time. Doesn't matter how long I tried it on for. The percentage goes up if the item was expensive or full price. I just almost always feel like I can get a better deal so I take it back.

Why is that? And can I get a witness???

things that are free

Yikes, I love things that are free. Pretty much anything. I've been downloading free fonts, free labels, free cards, free wrapping paper (like I'm going to print that?) and free backgrounds. Join the fun!

I found most of my freebies through How About Orange (blog) that I follow. Just click the "free downloads" button. There's tons of good stuff available! This is my favorite and I don't know why. I just like all the colors.

New Beginning

My cousin and her husband will be reunited tomorrow! I am nervous and excited for them. I'm staying here this time, but I'm so excited for them to get back and pick up where they left off 4.5 years ago. This is an exciting time. What a way to lead up to Thanksgiving!

The final step is Tuesday with his final interview and then we wait for his green card to be delivered which could be 1 to 7 days. We're hoping for just 1!

Eeeeeeek! I'm so excited! You can catch up here.

Random thoughts

I just watched the P Run finale (like 3 weeks late) and I'm super upset about it! Gretchen? Are you kidding me?

Parenthood is an amazing show.

I need someone to come unpack my house and organize it. I'm not motivated.

K bye.

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Sharing

I've been sharing my blogging with my travel blog. Mostly because I've been on the road for 3 weeks. Go check it out!
www.ribbonofhighway.tumblr.com

i'm a man's man.

I shot guns today. Big guns. And it was awesome.

Proof.

Big thanks to the Herberts for inviting me to come out for Warrior Day! I had a blast! Zach graduates from TBS tomorrow. The Zochs are super proud of our friends!

victory!

I JUST FOUND THE PIECES TO OUR BEDDDDDDD!!!!!


We've been sleeping on our mattress on the floor since Friday and I just can't sleep!

Today, I was on a mission to find those blasted pieces. We knew they were here, just didn't know where. I started unloading tubs that we'd moved.....I just had a feeling about this certain tub.....I almost gave up and then VOILAAAAA!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!


Commence dancing around the entire house to Miranda Lambert and Tim McGraw.

Observant Olivia

People are interesting.

I went to the bank. They had double charged my car payment. I appreciate them trying to pay off my loan faster, it's just that....well I can't afford it Mr. Banks. The teller, who had assured me last week that the online payment wouldn't be taken til next month, told me I must've submitted a second document. I assured her I had not, showed her my receipt with her initials showing the payment was to start 10/23/10 and she continued to tell me I had done something wrong. Okay Beverly. Smile. How can we fix this problem? Great. I appreciate you refunding me the second payment. Have a great day. I smiled to myself as I have been practicing restraint in my tendency to react defensively and quickly. Good job self!

Second bank. I need to deposit checks. Oops, I have a lot of checks. The teller helps me fill out my deposit slip while we make surface conversation. Upon handing me my receipt she asks if I take pictures (based on the checks being made to CarlZochPhotography.) I explain, she smiles and says "That's cool. Looks like it pays well." I make a confused face not sure what to say in return (only thinking of how much we pay in taxes and how that is a common misconception.) I said with a smile, "Thanks for your help!" and left. That was an interesting choice of words to say to a customer, ma'am. I don't think it's necessarily appropriate for you to comment on my finances. Hm. I stayed confused and kind of shocked at what happened while I drove to Target.

I ate alone at Taco Bueno and sat behind a family. It's super fun to observe people, especially parents. Especially parents of difficult children. Especially when the dad/husband is totally disengaged. I'm not judging. I realize we sometimes catch people in their "not-so-shining" moments. I try really hard to keep myself rooted in every day reality especially when I'm listening in on other people's conversations.

Oh, and then when I left Target, I was following the parking lot "understood etiquette" that you drive to the end of the row of spaces and then out. Sadly, Mr Senior Citizen in his large Chrysler decided he'd like to drive across the parking lot sideways. This is SO breaking parking lot etiquette. Since he decided to pull out in front of me (I guess he didn't see my large red SUV within 10 feet of his car) I gave him a friendly honk. He lurched to a stop so I proceeded. While passing, I observed him to be yelling and explaining through rolled up windows (I'm guessing?) what he was trying to do. I gave him a friendly smile and wave. He proceeded to break the rules across the parking lot, nearly hitting several other cars. Interesting, sir. You are interesting.

Go observe some people!

U-Haul, We bawl.

We have this thing we do. It's called moving. We love it and hate it....and we have different reasons for those feelings.

Right now, I'm sitting staring, defeated, by a kitchen full of dishes. Why do we have so many dishes? Oh yea. We registered for 3 different sets because someone (my mom) told us to get a variety so people could choose. Well, and we registered for 4 place settings of 3 different sets. And we got them all. Plus the salad plates and coffee mugs and bowls. That's a lot of dishes. Oh, and 1 set we have 8 place settings for. Whaaaaaat?! Why?

I am defeated.

project runway

so. much. drama.


know-it-alls, outrageous dressers, bi-polars and "cray cray"s.

whatever. make it work.


PS, I do not like Gretchen. I literally talk to my tv and tell her to shut-up every week.

House on the Hill

I love visiting my G&G's house in Independence, KS. They have nicknamed their homeplace "The House on the Hill." On their answering machine they (in unison) say, "This is the house on the hill. Please leave a message" in their sweet old shaky voices. I love the prayers my grandpa makes rhyme at the dinner table. I love the way my Grammy rolls her eyes and shakes her head at my Grandpa's stories and says "Here.....here" which is her way of calling him out or correcting his memory. I love it all. I love them. You would too.


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Arg

We bought a car for me!
-It's weird.
-It's nice.
-I don't feel like it's mine.

I hate money.

We need a place to move! Our landlord is selling our house and our lease ends Sept. 9th.
-getting nervous.

In other news, I've sold some stuff on Craigslist like a wheeler-dealer.

what i'm thinking today

1) You can't have roots and wings.


2) Everyone has problems. Everyone. (No really. Everyone.)


3) Technology can become a tangly web. (As I type this on a piece of technology being sent over another form of technology to be read on another piece of technology.)

Love/Hate

I love:
-clean sheets on my bed.
-pedicures.
-setting off fireworks!
-a clean house.
-dining al fresco.
-rainy/cloudy/cooler days.
-spending time with my husband.
-dinner at my mom's house.
-rearranging furniture.
-purging items from my house! (a whole car-full to the church/Goodwill/recycling bin!)
-putting old cd's on my computer and re-living high school and college through music.
-scheduling a sushi making class to do with my husband.



I hate:
-bauer escaping our backyard.
-driving around my neighborhood hanging out the window whistling and clapping like an idiot looking for said dog.
-my lovely neighbors setting off fireworks until 1am for several nights in a row. And this afternoon. (Why? It's the 6th of July!)
-car shopping. Seriously. I'm looking at every single car on the street in a new way.
-being a picky/particular person. (I can't help it!)
-looking for a new place to live. (I am not doing another year in this bug infested, backed up shower drain, dog hoodini backyard, outdoor laundry room, too big to keep up with, tiny kitchen of a house!)
-doing laundry. Especially in afor mentioned laundry room.
-working out.
-junk mail and organizing mail in general.


What do you love/hate?

Netflix

So.....Netflix is awesome. I have been watching about 2 documentaries a day this weekend. I'd encourage you to do the free trial and watch a lot of documentaries. I'd highly recommend No Impact Man. Got me thinking about my consumption.

I watched:
King Corn
Deliver Us From Evil
No Impact Man
Stronger, Bigger, Faster

Now, it's time to find a car with A/C.

i've decided

i'm going to have a birthday party next year. i'll be in Hawaii on my actual birthday, but after last night's wedding and an amazing 27 year old's birthday party that included a bouncy house castle, i've decided that life is to be celebrated.

so watch out. serious party coming in January 2011.

Results

EEG: Unremarkable.
MRI: Unremarkable.

That means they didn't find anything. Grrrrrrrr! It seems that square-1 and I are doing a lot of bonding. I'd rather bond with something else.

I started my new medication last week. I have the next 8 weeks to see how it goes and then it's back to the doctor to see how we're doing. No seizures since May 17th. I'm not that impressed since I've gone 6 weeks before. We'll see.

Let's talk about something else.....Ummmm. Oh! My garden! Well, pot garden. No, I'm not growing pot, I'm growing stuff IN pots! Tomatoes (2 kinds) bell peppers and a jalapeno plant plus some cilantro. I had my first harvest this week! Woo hoo! 6 cherry tomatos! They're currently decorating the counter of my kitchen, but they are BRIGHT red and I can't wait to eat them.

Bye now.

Oh yea, it's 90 in our house right now. Thankful we have an awesome landlord that takes care of us! Air guy just arrived to save the day!

Brain Test

In case you missed it, here's me getting my EEG done on Monday. I think it should replace waterboarding as a form of torture. Keep people awake for 24 hours and then place a strobe light right in front of their face for a few minutes. I promise anyone would crack.





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his and hers

This is a "What's in your bag?!" blog! I compared Carl's pockets to my bag.

His:
-iPhone
-Sunglasses
-Watch
-Keys
-Wallet

Hers:
-Yellow Clutch/Wallet (I take this out when I'm just running in somewhere. Everything else in my bag is no big loss. But I'll never leave my wallet in the car! (Learned that the hard way.)
-Brown/White bag contains allergy medicine for allergic reactions (epi-pen, fast acting benedryl) 3 kinds of lotion, dramamene, Tide pen, band-aids, IBprophen, antacids, moist toilettes...)
-Camera and battery charger
-1 necklace and 1 medical ID bracelet
-Ponytail holder and 2 bobbypins
-Reading/driving glasses
-Sunglasses
-2 pairs of earphones
-Icebreakers sour candy
-Travel tissues
-Burt's Bees chap stick
-Gum
-1 dime
-Daily meds holder
-A pile of trash
-Black bridesmaids bag holds personal bathroom items
-Plastic bag holds Claritin that Carl requested I bring to the studio 4 days ago
-Random items found...safety pin, toothpick, and paper clip.
*Not pictured (iPhone used to take these pics.)

What's in your bag?

medicine

I know medicine is a good thing. I know it does great things for people. I know it's come a long way. I know it can be really helpful and healing.

I just wish all the other stuff didn't come with it. The good never comes without the bad. Side effects are a given. We weren't made to be on medication long-term. I'm ready to quit.

Bye.

nothing happenin'

I'm in a blog slump. Nothing's happenin'. Then when I do write something, I only get 1 comment. I think part of my slump is because I don't think anyone's reading so why put forth the effort. Then I realize how many blogs I read but don't comment on.....double standard.

I've been sick the last week and a half. Annoying sick. I already function in a state of fatigue and lack of energy due to my seizure medication so to be sick takes it to the next level. The next level involves the couch and having to lay down nearly all day. No offense, but I lived that life for an entire summer in 2008 and it gets old really fast. Plus, we own no movies and I never unpacked the DVD player so I'm left with what's on TV. This has led to lots of trashy tv watching. I discovered BBC today so I watched a lot of documentary shows which made me feel a little better. (At least I'll be learning things while I watch tv. Right?!) But then I watched a lot of Real Housewives of this and that.

I've spent some time reading today. I'm borrowing a book from a friend called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Before you ask, we're not trying to get pregnant! Due to some of my health issues, we've decided to go off of birth control to allow my body to get back to a "normal" state so that we can better figure out what is going on. This book is amazing. It should be required reading for every woman. I wish I'd known about it sooner. However, I think I would've received it's information a lot differently if I'd read it before taking this journey into natural wellness and alternative medicine. I've had lots of discussion with my friends recently about birth control. We have all kind of landed in the same place. It seems to do more harm than good. Sure, some people have no issues and think it's the greatest thing. I didn't have a bad experience with my birth control. I just started thinking about how I am doing all these things to get healthy and to get my body operating the best it possibly can naturally. However, birth control is not natural. It causes your body to have extra hormones and stop a natural process every month. I don't know, that's just where I'm at right now. What do you think?

I'm still on the gluten-free journey. Carl's mom brought me 2 gluten-free cookbooks on her visit last week. I'm just now getting a chance to go through them and start marking things I'd like to try. The thing with gluten-free is that you can't do anything fast. Everything takes time to make. I miss being able to just put something together really quick. Oh well, it's not like I'm working full-time!

I've started having some new issues with my right arm and hand. I'm going to an epilepsy specialist at OU next Friday. I'm really excited and hopeful that I will finally be teamed with a doctor who can help explain and figure all this out. In similar news, I hit the 2 year mark on Thursday! Two years ago I had a grand-mal seizure that set this crazy thing in motion. It's led to a lot of tests and doctors visits with very few answers. I think most of the answers I do have were ones I found from researching things on my own!

So, what's next? Well, for starters, Carl and I celebrate 3 years of marriage next Wednesday!

postsecret of the week

If you don't check postsecret.com weekly, you really should. Here's my favorites from this week. I've talked about my feelings towards leggings before and someone out there agrees with me!

This second one, Frank Warren, the author and instigator of PostSecret, had students write a one sentence commencement speech. He featured some during his commencement speech as well as on the website this week. I love this one. Life is all about balance. 

Live Blogging: American Idol

Commercial 1: A new Shrek movie? What? Hasn't there been like 8 already?

Show: Lee is safe. Good. I don't think he'll win, but I thought he did great last night.

Commercial 2: The new Sears one with breakdancers. I laugh every time. "Circles are out! (makes a face) Whaaaaatt?!?!" I love it. It's a classic "dad" thing to do.

Show: Lady Gaga is so crazy. I think she is the Marilyn Manson on this generation...except she actually has talent and doesn't wear freaky contacts.

Commercial 3: Some commercial playing "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. What a creepy song. The way he sings it....it's just eerie. Now I have goosebumps.

Show: Oh Harry Connick Jr. I have loved you for a long time. I first fell in love with Frank Sinatra and then Nat King Cole and then Tony Bennett and then you. (If we're being technical.) Michael Buble means nothing to me. I think you are the best. Let's be friends. Wait. Whoa. You just dissed Ellen. Not cool.----Okay, bottom 2 are Big Mike and Aaron. Not sad about it. I've been rooting for Crystal Bowersox since day 1. I think Mike should've gone home a long time ago.

Commerical 4: MacGruber movie. Oh dear.

Show: Aaron's going home. It's time.

Commercial 5: 1800contacts. Any of them. All funny.


bye now.

Wal-Mart, seriously?

If you've been around here for a while you know that I don't like Wal-Mart. Well, more than that. I don't buy anything from them or anyone associated with them (like Sam's.) I'm going on something like 4 years? There was 1 exception in Oakland, CA when my suitcase zipper busted and we had less than 30 minutes to replace it and repack it before getting to the airport. Anyway.....I've done a few soapboxes about why we all should consider boycotting. Now, finally, the media is covering several stories about how bad Wal-Mart is doing at being a corporation and employer. Read below if interested!

Hazerdous Waste

Class Action Suit for paying women less than men