celebrating life

Meet Spencer Green. He passed away one year ago today at the age of 24. He had been struggling with cancer since the age of 19. He was a friend to all, an inspiration to many, and a testimony to the grace of God. He is greatly missed, but is celebrated and remembered today. Spencer made his experience with cancer one that challenged himself and others to live your life and not waste time or opportunities. "Enjoy Every Sandwich" was a motto he lived by. One of my many favorite songs is below. My favorite part is the bridge where he talks about tasting a dream and hearing the call of wilder things. It has been my anthem the last year as I try to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm tasting dreams and I know they don't involve copier machines, and I'm hearing the call of wilder things...I just haven't arrived at the dream or wilder thing yet. I hope you can relate to the song and maybe it will remind you to taste a dream or listen to the call of wilder things.

iceberg

if this is all you ever knew, i could forgive you, if this is all you ever knew.
if this is all you ever saw, like an iceberg, that never got to thaw

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

if this was all that you could be,
sitting here playing your video games on the tv
and if this is all that you could do,
with your perfect job, and your perfect raise
and your benefits too

i don't think i'd care too much
i don't think i'd mind one bit
if you never floated south to try to find your name

but i know that you have tasted a dream
and i know that it doesn't smell like a copier machine
and i know that you have heard the call of wilder things
i will never see

so i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try to find your name.

i think you should go right now
you don't have to say goodbye
cause i could tell them that you went south to try and find your name.

-Spencer Green

Oh Snap...

I was online today paying my last bill to the hospital (BOOYAH!), and to Real Simple so I continue to receive my beloved magazine. Then...I saw it. "Renew online at RealSimple.com." Why have I not known about this life changing website for the last 4 months of captivity and exile??!?!?!?! Bless it, they are also starting REAL SIMPLE on TLC next month!!! A full hour of genius things I wish I'd thought of every Friday on my T.V. How great! You may not be able to find me for a while and it will be because I'm glued to either the .com or TLC.

Moverific!

Yea, we figured it was time to move again. I mean, who doesn't want to establish 4 different residences in the first year and a 1/2 of marriage? So, Thomas (Carl's brother) has made some changes in colleges and needed a place to live. Working part-time his options of safety, cleanliness, and affordable places to live are extremely limited. So, being the gracious individuals we are, we said "Live with us!" So, after 4 days of searching, we found a rent house in Bethany with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a utility room (Bless it! No more laundry at my mom's!) a garage, a huge storage closet, a brand new refrigerator, tons of storage, a backyard with 2 storage buildings, and a cool front door! BOOYAH! So, we move in Oct. 1st. That's right, speedy packing express is here! As much as I hate packing, I enjoy unpacking. (Weird, I know.) And, I'm really excited to settle in and get stuff on the walls. Hopefully we get to paint and take down the mommy border in the kitchen and "rose room", so I'll have something to do! Hazaa!!!

Now, don't get too excited. There is retro brown carpet through the whole house...the exact same that's been in my Grammy's house since 1980! So, we're going to lean into the retro/vintage feeling and do our best to make it cool and not Granny. Hopefully it turns out alright! I'm dreaming of every color of furniture besides brown. (After all, our couch and chair are already brown.) Hopefully I stumble on some red, orange, yellow, and avocado wonders!!!

I hope we don't continue the moving trend we've started...I like change, but I'm getting tired of moving.

Grammy's

I spent the weekend at my Grammy's with my mom and aunt. I hadn't been there in a while which is embarrassing. It was so great! I didn't realize how many things I love/miss about her house. My g-parents live on a farm in SE Kansas in a little town called Independence. They live in a house that my grandpa built and where my mom and her siblings were raised. I have lots of memories of that house and the farm. I LOVE being there. It makes me want homemade ice cream, cherry and pumpkin pie, and 80's furniture. I want to visit the cabin, the old cemetery, take a walk around the hill or down the gravel road to the bridge...etc. I hope everyone has some memories of your grandparents house. I'm planning on making as many visits as possible in the near future.

What are your memories of your g-parents house?

hobby...but not lobby.

i need some hobbies people. i tried the painting thing...but only 4 weeks into my 16 week class i had 2 root canals and a seizure so i couldn't really finish the class. so, i have all these supplies and no idea what to do. i used to make things...like mod podge (is that right???) stuff...but i had to leave it when we started sharing a house because it was "college." i would probably be happy in a house with a wall of cork and a wall that's that chalkboard paint. (*i copyright those ideas...if you steal them and do them before we have a house and i can do it, then i'll be moderately upset and still have it in my house, except better.)i think i kinda want to be a designer. i have all these pictures and articles from magazines of awesome ideas for a living space...but of course have no funds or space to do them thanks to the laws of apartments and school debt. but seriously, i do need some hobbies to consider...any ideas?

the parameters to these suggested hobbies need to involve limited physical activity since i'm still not up to my normal functioning, little money, and able to do alone or with someone else. okay, go!

every day is a holiday to me.

Vacation was nice...we didn't do much, which was the point. Happy Labor Day to you! While you're enjoying staying home or doing something cool because you don't have to work...I'll be doing the same thing I do every day which is have a day off from everything. So, enjoy my life today!

Oh wait I can't, I'll be on vacation...

So, Carl and I leave tomorrow for Denver, Colorado for a few days of no email, no phone calls, no friends, no Oklahoma, no responsibilities, few plans, and a cheap flight and rental car to visit the mountains. I have been highly anticipating this week since I found the $68 tickets about a month ago. A slight damper came when I found out the Democratic National Convention was going on at the same time and I couldn't find lodging for nearly 30 square miles around Denver. Luckily, I got the last room at a BOMB B&B in Morrison, Colorado...about 20 miles outside of Denver. Check out their website so you'll be jealous of us. Another slight damper has come with the recent arrest of hooligans planning to shoot at Obama while we're in town. No thanks! But I'm confident that we'll have a much deserved relaxing break away from our lives. I'm looking forward the most to my first visit to Whole Foods and the Mile High Flea Market. So, peace out Oklahoma. Don't call because we won't answer....till Sunday.

Exiled

It's been a while since I wrote about tv shows...but the Olympics have been on people!

So...sometimes I watch MTV. I won't hide it. There's a new show starting tomorrow night at 9:30pm; it's called Exiled. MTV took 8 of the "Sweet Sixteen" stars from 2 years ago and sent them to remote areas of Morroco, Norway, Africa, Thailand, and India. What's interesting is the parents do everything for these kids!!! They pay for everything, they do their laundry, they clean their rooms, they allow their kids to sit around and be taken care of. So...it only makes sense that their children are going to be spoiled and not able to handle daily living skills like working, feeding themselves, doing laundry, paying bills...etc. One girls mom even straightens her daughters hair for her!!! Have we heard of ENABLING!

I'll be watching the show to see the real world hit these kids square in the jaw. My prediction is that 7 out of the 8 will go right back to their extravagant lifestyle.

breakfast for dinner!

When I was growing up, sometimes my mom would make waffles for dinner....we never really had them for breakfast, just dinner. I LOVE whoever said "I want breakfast for dinner." (And it's a great excuse to eat more BACON.)

Our small group is getting together tonight for...you guessed it, breakfast for dinner! We're having pancakes and bacon and all the fixin's...we're even having juice and milk to drink. How appropriate! I'm so pumped. I haven't had real breakfast, much less breakfast for dinner in ages.

So, cancel your dinner plans and make some breakfast. You won't be sorry.

Rainy Dayzzzz

it has been gloriously cloudy for the last....week? unlike most people, i am energized by the cloudy days! i invite the rain. i cheer for the thunderstorm to roll through. i open the blinds and let the lovely gray into my living room. my mom always gave me a hard time growing up because a good portion of my wardrobe was gray. well...i still have a good percentage that is gray, but i can't help it. i love gray.

so since i've had so much time on my hands, i've been doing ridiculous things like researching baby names. i'm not pregnant!!! so don't even ask me. but, i've recently had a fascination with names and what they mean. it probably started when Josh and Katie found out that one of the names they're considering (they ARE pregnant) for their baby unknown is Gavin and it means "White Hawk of Battle." who wouldn't want their name to mean that?! we've had numerous discussions with them and others about prospective baby names. we believe it's better to get your "dibs" out there so you're not disappointed when you're friends get pregnant and "steal" your favorite baby name. (we also understand though that if/when they're pregnant and we're not, they pretty much have all rights to claim a name.)

so, here's my favorites. it should also be said that i don't really want to have (a) girl(s) but i do have a few on my list. knowing my luck, i'll have triplet girls.

boys
Emery
Boen
River
Finley "Finn" for short
Ash
Maddox
Sawyer

girls
Scout
Sadie
Everly
Millie

What Ellen and I have in common....

-we love to dance.

-we LOVE a good BLT sandwich.

-we love Barack Obama.


Love you Ellen.

Olympiadicmania

I guess I'm just now old enough to really get into the Olympics...but I am obsessed. Not with America...(even though that men's swimming relay was AWESOME!) but I am digging every bit of Beijing 2008. I've always loved Gymnastics and Diving...but this year is a whole new deal.

And synchronized diving? How tight is that!

I haven't seen the opening ceremonies (I'm waiting for some peeps who were in Africa to watch with them) but I've only heard the best things and can't wait to watch!

Who's with me on this?!!??!!

EDIT: I watched the opening ceremonies tonight with Kendra. They blew my mind. I'm going to watch them again probably because they were that legit. Good Luck London...China set the bar high.

Epilepsy

I've been diagnosed with Epilepsy. I've just begun my research on all this means and I'll try to post my findings later when I've waded through everything. I'm not discharged from my doctor yet so I'm not going back to work and we haven't worked through the best option for that yet. Insurance is our main concern right now which I still have and can continue to have until I decide what to do in regards to my job at DHS. Carl and I have and will continue to make life adjustments through this journey. I don't think the diagnosis and the full extent of what it will mean for us have fully sunk in yet, but we wanted to let you know the latest.

you CAN put a price on education

Dave Ramsey, thanks for not accepting us into your college debt program because we didn't have enough debt. Here's what we're facing as a result if we can't pay Sallie Mae a penny more than we do every month.

The year will be 2027.
Carl will be 43.
I will be 42.

$53,816.40 (Carl's total paid) Original loan(s) in the neighborhood of $29,000.
$46,884.92 (My total paid) Original loan(s) in the neighborhood of $25,000.

$100,701.32 The amount that Sallie Mae will have stolen from us in principal and interest.

That's a house.


Love you private education.

week 12

12 weeks of sitting on a couch.
12 weeks of taking medication.
12 weeks of television (be it cable or not.)
12 weeks of being driven around.
12 weeks of feeling tired and worn out and not myself.


12 weeks without another big seizure. :)



Things are looking up.

schmeizures

It's been a while since I've updated you on my seizure...progress? Journey? Whatever, here's where we are today anyway. My second MRI came back normal. I started a new medication back at the beginning of July. Well, it made my heart do bad things so now I've started another new one, today in fact. And guess what...a side effect is a very serious rash. So if you come up to me in the mall or at church trying to embarrass me by asking about my rash...I just might actually have something to tell you in all honesty. Haha! Anyway, we'll see how this one turns out. Back to the doctor on August 4th for more questions and answers and who knows what else.

In other news, our small group is going on a float trip this weekend! We're heading to Talequah, Oklahoma to float the Illinois River Saturday. Well, technically everyone else will be floating and I'll be basking in all that Siloam Springs, Arkansas has to offer as my sister babysits me. (Due to my medication and the fact that I have little endurance, strength, and don't know how this new medication will effect me...I've opted out of the river.) It will be nice to finally get out of this apartment after nearly 11 weeks of white walls, this blasted couch, and the same 'ole thing. Looking forward to it!

As far as requests go, I'd like a rip roaring good thunderstorm. Haven't had a good day of rain in a while and I think it's about time.

Oh and our dishwasher broke and we're getting a new one. Oh apartment landlord luxury!

HPV

In 2007 that HPV vaccine came out and that commercial with the moms and their daughters wanting them to be "one less" who gets cervical cancer.

"Recently, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a vaccine that is highly effective in preventing HPV infection with types 16 and 18, two “high-risk” types that cause 70 percent of cervical cancers, and types 6 and 11, which cause 90 percent of genital warts. The HPV vaccine is recommended for 11- to 12-year-old girls, and if the doctor decides, the vaccine can be given to girls as young as 9. The vaccine also is recommended for 13- to 26-year-old girls/women who have not yet received or completed the vaccine series. The vaccine is given through a series of three shots over a six-month period. The vaccine should be given before sexual activity begins (before contact with the HPV virus). Those who have not been infected with any type of HPV will benefit the most from the vaccine. Girls/women who are sexually active should still be vaccinated because they can get protection from the HPV types that they haven’t been infected with." (source)

Again, I was watching Oprah, and her OBGYN was on having an awkward Q & A days, and a woman asked about the vaccine. The Doc said that only 4 strands of the HPV virus have been linked to cervical cancer and there are thousands of strands of HPV. 200 woman die a year from cervical cancer and it is one of the few highly treatable and preventable cancers. "The American Cancer Society says that the survival rate for cervical cancer is about 90 percent. Most instances of HPV infections, even the pre-cancerous or cancerous ones, resolve on their own." (source)

How's this: 1600 girls had adverse reactions and there have already been 3 deaths from the vaccine.

There's been a lot of speculation surrounding vaccines recently-not just this one. As someone who's had to be on a medication regiment and having to accept that to lower your chances or "risk" of something you have to sometimes "suffer" the effects of that drug. I'm wondering if all that risk is really worth the effects my body has to undergo to keep the statistics low.

And just for the sake of comment arguments, let's say I'm of age to have a teenage daughter and this vaccine is out. I think I'd rather muscle through a series of uncomfortable conversations about sex and STD's and allow her to make a personal choice than make a trip to the doctor's office for a vaccine that hasn't been proven to be trustworthy yet. (And a vaccine that my daughter would only need if she contracted a certain STD and if that STD led to developing cervical cancer.)

What do you think?

babies and Oprah...hear me out okay?

So, last week I stayed at my mom's house while Carl was at church camp with the teens. (For those that aren't avid readers, I can't stay anywhere overnight by myself...yes I know, I'm a scared-e-cat.) Anyway, she has the bunny ears not the cable tv. No big, I watched the bunny ears for 22 years. So, I had to watch Oprah for a week. I was surprised that I actually caught two good episodes that didn't have to do with fashion or celebrities or giving away un-Godly amounts of materialist crap. However, I want to preface that the word "good" here means that it caused me to think and question and got the cogs in my head a turnin'.

Episode #1: Lisa Ling did a special report about couples who are paying women to be surrogates in India. Obviously the couples have fertility issues. One of the couples that came on the show had already spent over $100,000 in the US to several different doctors and gone through several different treatments and hadn't gotten pregnant. They had considered adoption, but wanted to have a biological child. They found out about the surrogate option in India which is roughly $6400USD. They have made 2 different trips for about 3-4 weeks at a time and will make one more for 1 month when their child is born. The amount of money the Indian women make from carrying just one child successfully (the success rate is about 60%) is enough to bring these women and their families out of poverty and change their lives. The documentary showed the house where one surrogate lived before and the home where she lived now with her family. Most women are surrogates only once. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I have fertility issues. I also am open to adoption. Since I was in middle school I wanted to foster/adopt children. So, I just don't understand the longing, craving, obsession, and extreme lengths that some couples will go to in order to have a biological baby. I don't understand the insane amount of money they will spend to "roll the dice." But I am extremely uneasy with outsourcing a pregnancy to another country...even if it could change that woman's life.

Martha Stewart's daughter was on at the end of the show. She's 42. She spends over $28,000/month to try to get pregnant. In 2 months she could pay off my college debt.

*In Oklahoma County alone, there are over 15,000 children, ages 0-17 ready and waiting to be adopted by a warm and loving home. Adoption isn't free, but it's got to be a lot cheaper than trying for something that may not be able to happen. And yes I said county, not state. There are 76 other counties in the state, and 49 other states.

Episode #2: This episode centered around the first sperm donor babies who are now all grown up and asking lots of questions. There were several sperm donors on who were offering their view and opinion. One guy said when we was donating, he looked at it like donating blood, he just got paid for it. Um...except that donating sperm means giving the potential for human life, not just transfusions. Don't worry, the guy is only a pediatrician with 9 "donor children" as their called. He also doesn't call them his children because he didn't go through the physical act of conceiving them. Dude, you are their biological father! They have your physical characteristics! Remember your sperm? They carry your DNA. Aren't you a doctor?! Oprah interviewed 4 "donor children" and talked with them about the questions they have and why they want to know who their father's are. Most of the kids interviewed were in their 20's. They knew their dad was donor "24H" or "4Qs2"etc, but no name, no medical history, no family heritage, no nothing. All of them expressed an emptiness and a void and longing to know a side of them that they feel they can't know without knowing at least a person from that side of themselves. Some of them have been connected with a 1/2 sibling or relative in someway. Some have found their donors and been received very well, but most have no answers and have grown up an only child being loved by a single-mom.

Do you think it's selfish of these mom's to use a sperm bank to have a baby if they know the child will grow up without a father and will eventually ask questions and want answers? It sounds similar to a child that's adopted that eventually wants to know about their birth parents...not because they don't love their adopted parents or love them any less, but because they need that piece that hasn't fit for so long to fit if it can. I think it has to be similar for "donor children." There's a piece that's not fitting and they're trying to find the right piece. The only problem is, there's hardly any resources to link them to their piece. www.donorsiblingregistry.com is the only one going right now. They've linked over 4,600 siblings and donors so far. It's a start.

I don't know how I feel about all this. I do know it keeps me up at night. And it doesn't keep me up at night because I'm thinking of ways to change people's minds. It keeps me up at night because our society is still treating life with disregard and keeps coming up with ways for people to get what they want without thinking of the consequences.

trantrum over.

Did you know critics are calling "The Great American Dog" (tv show), "the greatest reality show of all time." (----------------------------------dead air) WHAAAAAT?!?!

Okay, but seriously. I had a long conversation with Kendra the other day about how humanity doesn't know how to care for each other. What I mean by that is that they don't know how to show concern for each other. Example: So, I had a seizure almost 10 weeks ago. We did the hospital, doctors, medicine fiasco thing,(and we still are.) If you're an avid reader you've heard some of the stories. Anyway, the constant through it all was the question, "How are you doing?" If I'm anything, I feel I'm a consistently honest person. When I was present to answer the question in person, my answers varied, but one time I answered "we're doing okay", which I felt was fairly accurate. I was shot back with "No really, how are you doing?" I looked confused and said, "No really, we're doing okay." --Go from that to a lady telling me about her son who has seizures who's 25 and lives at home and is pretty much a vegetable--Go from that to a guy who told me about his uncle who was having seizures and they couldn't find out why he was having them and ended up having a tiny tumor and had awake brain surgery after 5 years of going to doctors.--PEOPLE! What happened to Sonic runs, and having lunch, and funny jokes, and reading blogs?

I had a friend during college that had cancer. He struggled with it off and on during my 4 years in college. During his times away from school, I tried to think of the most ridiculous things to send either in packages or in emails that were either just to make him smile, laugh, or help pass the time. I've never had cancer, but it sure doesn't sound like buckets of rainbows and sunshine. I tried my best to put myself in his shoes and think "If I was feeling sick, what would I want from my friends?" I texted dad jokes, emailed funny stories from the lunch table or SGA office, rallied ridiculous toys from the dollar store and mad libs already filled in, and music music music. I don't know if my ideas worked, I just know I didn't want to be one more person asking about cancer.

I'm not saying it's not nice to be asked how I'm doing but personally, I feel more cared about when Bennett offers to have TV time with me, or when Kendra/Shenold, and SB take me to Saturn Grill for dinner, or someone from our small group offers to cook us dinner. That translates to care 7 days a week more than, "How are you doing?" on Sunday morning ever will.

What do you think? Agree/Disagree?

avoiding

I'm avoiding blogging even though I have a stockpile of them to post because I felt my last one was REALLY good and it seems only 2 people read it.

And that makes me want to fold me arms and go "hrumfph" and stomp off with my piggy tails swinging in unison.



My tantrum can't last too much longer...my stockpile is getting pretty large.

3 posts in 1

Josh, I know you said you expected me to give each subject I wanted to blog about previously a fair and seperate post, but I already have a LIST of new blogs going and I'm dreaming about those so these will not be shortened...but just one long post instead of 3 separate ones.

Okay, #1: Anthony Bourdain. This guy is bringing culture back. He's an award winning chef who grew up in New Jersey, studied and lived most of his career in New York City, and now works for the Travel Channel going to countries abroad sampling their trademark cuisine, living among the people, and seeing the land up close and personal. On a recent episode of No Reservations (the show Bourdain hosts), he was in Laos. "Laos was dragged into the Vietnam War, and the eastern parts of the country were invaded and occupied by the North Vietnamese Army (NVA), which used Laotian territory as a staging ground and supply route for its war against the South. In response, the United States initiated a bombing campaign against the North Vietnamese, supported regular and irregular anticommunist forces in Laos and supported a South Vietnamese invasion of Laos."(wikipedia) So, in the episode, Bourdain sits down with a farmer and his family and they share a traditional Laotian meal. This man lost his leg and arm to a mine that went off in his field. There are over 3.5 million of these mines (active bombs) that are still in Laos from the Vietnam war. 400,000 have been recovered since the Vietnam war which is remarkable since their technology is so limited and primitive that it takes forever for these mines to be discovered. There was footage of what looked like a man-made metal detector in the shape of a rectangle that has to be carried by 6 men. If metal is detected, then another crew follows up with another type of detector, then if they go to the next step, another crew comes in to carefully dig up the bombs and then transport them to be set off in a safe location. The Vietnam war ended in 1975, so in 33 years, the Laotian people have been left to find these deadly weapons on their own that have been killing and injuring their people and been given no help or support to find these mines! Is that not an injustice?! My favorite quote was Bourdain saying, "Every American should see the effects of war first hand." I loved this because he was in a country still suffering the effects, over 30 years later, several wars later, and America marches on, in first place, dominating.

Okay, #2 Shannon wrote a blog about the G8 summit and the irony of those in attendance being served 6 & 8 course meals while talking about world hunger and poverty. Wouldn't this be like world leaders getting together to talk about the energy crisis and being shuttled around in Hummer limos? I mean, wouldn't we laugh at them and disregard their proposed solutions? I know I would. Now, I don't know what I expected from the leaders at the G8 summit...maybe fasting is too extreme...but is a meal really necessary? If world leaders did meet to discuss the energy crisis, where would they meet? Outside in a tent? Haha...

What's left...Oh yea, 30 Days. Okay, this week on the show "30 Days", they spent duh, 30 days on a Navaho Indian reservation. There are a lot of sterotypes surrounding the Native American people. First of all, don't get me started on the whole Trail of Tears thing and them being removed from their native land and forced to assimilate by the Europeans...as recent as the 1970's, the Bureau of Indian Affairs is still trying to pursue a policy of assimilation into the broader US culture and off the reservation. On the show, the reservation was in New Mexico. Indian reservations typically have a high amount of poverty, alcoholism, and unemployment. They get little assistance from the government even though through treaties, laws and agreements they were promised to have the basic necessities of food, water, and education for their people so their culture and traditions would be protected. It was very sad to see these indigenous people who were run out of their native land continue to suffer a century later and be struggling to survive under a government who promised them they'd be taken care of. And again, those giving a voice to these overlooked people aren't being heard.


Ugh. I hope you read all of this. More posts to come.

don't fence me in...

Okay, so I'm riding in the car with my mom the other day and I noticed this house on the corner of 50th and Grove doesn't have a fence. Those of you that know me even a little bit know that I'm a scared-e-cat, paranoid, whatever. I've had a fear since I was little of someone breaking into my house....and of a house fire...and of being shot at. Wow, tangent, ANYWAY! So when I saw the house with no fence I was like "WHOA! I would not be able to sleep at night without a fence!" Then I kind of called myself out because I grew up my entire life with a chain-link fence which is basically...let's be real...invisible. I mean, it divides backyards I guess, but it doesn't really keep anyone out. While the chain-link it's really stylish...I like being able to see if my neighbors were outside, what they were doing, be able to pseudo-pet their dog,and be able to easily hop over it to get the softball we hit into their yard.

Now, I never grew up with the wooden fence so obviously I'm speaking into something with which I have had little or no personal perspective or experience. The little experience I have had with them...I think they make a yard look and feel smaller. And for some reason, they seem to be the ones always falling over in the great wind storms of the mid-west. They are more aesthetically pleasing-I will give you that. I don't know...I just feel so closed in with them.

Regardless of which you have or grew up with...unless you're putting Master locks on your gates, friendly wanderers can still pass through your backyard...fence or no fence. Personally, I think I'm going to take an older house with a chain link fence so I can see my neighbors and pretend to share one big backyard instead of have a new home, not know my neighbors, and feel like I have a tiny yard and can't breathe in mine.

What do you think?

OMG

I have like 14 posts in my head...so many things that I want to blog about. Here's just an overview.

i've been thinking about fences and why we have them and the difference between chain link and wood plank fences...And then I saw this amazing episode of Anthony Bourdain in Laos and he sits down with a man who's lost his leg and arm to mines that are still in Laos from the Vietnam war,close to 3.5 million are still unaccounted for...and then I've been thinking about the irony of Shannon's blog regarding the G8 conference and the 6 & 8 course meals served to those in attendance while talking about world hunger and poverty....the most recent episode of "30 Days" where Morgan Spurlock spent (duh) 30 days on an Navaho Indian reservation and the injustice that the government is doing to them...

ps-I felt really good yesterday. (Not so much today, but still)

pss-day 5 with no focal motor seizures (May my new meds really are bomb!)

oh it gets better

July 3rd
So I started my new meds on Monday night...didn't really notice any new side effects till today. My taste buds are jacked. I got a DP at lunch and I would've bet you $100 that someone had poured a salt shaker into it. So when I got home, I looked up my new med side effects...indeed it's true. Taste changes! !@#*(@#! Supposedly it's only supposed to last for the first few weeks or so. And no worries, since I'm on TWO medications at the same time I'm only TWICE as tired. So I'm basically flat-lined most each day. For someone who was super active to not very active I have now become...almost non existent active. This is the most annoying time in my life.

July 4th
Today I saved up energy by laying around and watching tv. I do so enjoy fireworks. But you have no idea what fireworks can be like on 2 seizure medications and a benedryl while being slightly dizzy standing atop a parking garage dodging lit cigarette butts and spitting. It was a truly joyous occasion. Love all of you who were present. However, my night was ruined when I had another dang focal motor seizure after a 3 day free streak. OH, and then I either broke or severely sprained my right pinky toe when I ran into Carl's bag on the floor by the bed last night after I turned the light off to get into bed. It's black and blue and swollen. haha!

July 5th
So spent today...exhausted. Really bummed because I've been looking forward to today because it's one of my friend's weddings. At the least I was planning on making the wedding, signing the book, and skipping the rest. No such luck. That's the most annoying part of this brain lesion...I never can really make plans. I make plans and hope to keep them, but a lot recently I've had to cancel because I just don't have the energy or ability to do it. If I don't cancel, then I have to crash on a couch or a bed for at least a little while to re-charge my batteries.

PS- You should go see WALL.E...it's pretty fantastic. And it's a fairly quiet movie so if you get overstimulated easily like me-it's perfect!

Hopefully you enjoyed some loud patriotic music with some cutoff American flag t-shirts and crying babies. God Bless America.

dvr

There is no point to a DVR if you're home to actually watch your shows in real time. People, I'm running low on energy. The television is all I have. I look forward to my shows, okay? Right now i have to wait 8 more minutes until "Shear Genius" starts...which the DVR is set to record but I have nothing else to do so I might as well watch right?


Cox Communications: You owe me $5.




Oh, and another show you should check out (if i haven't mentioned it yet) Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. It's on the Travel Channel at various times on most every day of the week. Where can I apply for his job? Travel (check), Eat, (check), Critique, (check), all while my TV crew follows me...yea, I could do that.

what you're missing

Obviously, all but one of you haven't taken my advice about Flipping Out because I haven't been receiving any hilarious quotes from anyone. Come on people! Here's a taste of what you've been missing from Jeff Lewis.

LAST WEEK
"I think your birthday is conflicting with my schedule...can't we just postpone it a week?" -Jeff

"What I'm concerned about is her learning the law and her rights...and Zoila's becoming dangerous." -Jeff

"Are you no bite me Jeff?"-Zoila

"I look so ugly! Thank you so much! It's so ugly." -Zoila


THIS WEEK
"We're yelling at each other, we're screaming, we're firing....I think that's what a work environment should be." -Jeff

"I think that was an over-reaction on Jeff's part. As an employer I think he overreacts to try to strike fear into the hearts of his employees." -Chris Elwood

"Rather than make that personal phone call, he could've pulled over and written that *beep* down. " -Jeff

"And what about the voice changer, like just for fun, how much is that?"-Jeff



Set your DVR's now for next week's episode. Tuesday, 9pm, Bravo.

Awesome = Awesome

So I must have picked up telepathy or something because Dr. New Guy is AWESOME!

I saw him this morning. His office is BOMB. No nurse here, he himself called me from the waiting room. How COOL! We passed his SIGNED Chicago Cubs baseball poster and I knew it was fate. He spent 45 minutes doing an evaluation and talking with me about what's been going on. He even READ my packet and looked at my test results. What a knight!

So, he ordered an MRI with contrast to see if my brain blood vessels are causing the problem on my right side. He changed my meds so I'll be transitioning to Topomax from Keppra over the next month. Finally! Love you Dr. New Awesome Guy!

MRI Wednesday at 1:45pm.
New Meds.
Come back August 4th.

Booyah!

lovey

My bomb husband is in Portland, Oregon with the teens doing a mission trip. They've paid their dues and now get to chill downtown and enjoy the coast. I'm jealous and hate that this couch is where I am and will continue to be for now.

Miss you love.

updaty!

Dr. Awesome's office called this morning and can get me in on MONDAY!!!

I see them at 9am, BOOYAH.

Grow up

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I asked an 8 year old last night and she said "a dermatologist" and she's going to OU and she's going to be a Tri-Delt and the president of the sorority.

Dang. Why can't I have such clarity?


I'm reading "Let Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer. (Thank you Kendra) and it's a great book and exactly what I need to be hearing right now. Pick it up...

drs. are corrupt

I got my "complete" medical record from Dr. Idiot today. Which included the packet I had given him on my last appointment (which he didn't read) 2 written reports, and a letter stating that he understood I no longer want to be a patient of his so he is therefore discharging me from his clinic. Yo Doc, I discharged myself last Thursday!!!

Too bad his reports written regarding my appointments included false information.

WHAT A CROC!

Oh, and this was his closing line from his letter to the ER doc that referred me to Dr. Idiot. "Thank you for sending me such an interesting patient."


This guy will be hearing from me.

no fun anymore

What's not fun:
-being driven everywhere
-sitting/laying/lounging on the couch
-having involuntary movements on my right side
-waiting for the doctor to call
-people only asking me "how are you doing/feeling?" and wanting to say "next question"
-the Red Box
-being tired
-flip flops, sweat pants, and t-shirts
-neighbor lady moving out and being really loud about it

What is fun:
-the Olympic Trials
-seeing my husband all the time
-critiquing television shows like I'm a really important person
-i found newspaper today so I can start painting again



What's your favorite color?

Dr. Idiot, Dr. New Guy, and Dr. Awesome

I went to my GP (Dr. Awesome) today with my Mom. Turns out I have a sinus infection so I'll be starting antibiotics today. We talked about my seizure situation, my experience with Doc. Idiot and talked about the new Neuro (Dr. New Guy) I'm set up with. My GP knows Dr. New Guy and said he is great and highly recommended him. So we feel really good about that and also feel good that Dr. Awesome believes my concerns are warranted, but aren't severe enough to warrant an emergency appointment. I am on the cancel list with my new guy so there's a chance I could get in before my real appointment on July 10th.

For those of you who thought we would take Dr. Idiot's lame explanation lying down, you can forget it. We requested my complete medical record, cancelled all my testing and all future appointments and said "we will not be back." PEACE OUT Dr. Idiot and your stupid psychological testing! Oh and then I slandered his name for 2 hours on every website where I could rate/review Dr. Idiot. I felt really good after that.

In sleep news, we got our first night of restful uninterrupted sleep! It felt GREAT and I feel pretty good today, even after an outing to Dr. Awesome. PROGRESS!

We're remaining hopeful that we'll get this all figured out! Thanks for all your help and suggestions in the last few posts. They've been very helpful and have brought us peace and comfort.

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Okay, TV news real quick, these are the best shows you're probably not watching:
Anthony Bourdaine: No Reservations (Travel Channel) -this is on every day
Black Gold (TNT or TruTv) -Wednesdays nights
Flipping Out (Bravo) *but you should already know about this show! -Tuesdays at 9pm
30 Days (FX) -Tuesdays at 9pm
How It's Made (Discovery)-every day at 11am, 11:30am, 6pm, 6:30pm.

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Edit: Those who saw the original post and comments,

I think the issue was misunderstood and blown out of proportion. I think what could have been a good adult conversation turned into name calling and judging based on chosen vocabulary words. For those reasons, I've edited my post and deleted all comments. Hopefully next time a fair and respectful conversation can occur. And I sincerely apologize to those who were offended by my using "gay" as a descriptor of quality.

It must not be hard to get a medical license...

Well...we're done with my current Neurologist. I will be on the phone in the AM begging for my second opinion to be moved up to ASAP. Carl and I went with our guns loaded, complete with my full medical history, a seizure diary from the last 5 weeks, an evaluation from the Keppra website regarding my side effects and reaction to the meds, a calendar detailing how I've felt and all medication I've taken in the last 5 weeks, a form from my employer for him to sign...amounting to about 12-15 pages. 45 minutes after our scheduled appointment, we finally got called. My blood pressure was 110/70, my heart rate was 100 (i know...I was nervous.) Doctor comes in and sits down and says "So how have you been doing since I saw you last?" And I'm kind of shocked because I've called him twice, I requested my appointment be moved up because I've been having more frequent partial seizures, do you not remember any of this?! So we start explaining what it's been like and acts like he didn't know any of the information...which I had already told him! I talk about my right side being affected and the side effects and I keep referring to the diary I've kept of symptoms and what's happened when and he doesn't look at even one page. He asks me if I've had stress as a child or trauma, I say no, he asks if I've ever seen a counselor before, I say yes, I describe when, he starts interrogating me about why I sought a counselor. I stated because it was free in college and I was encouraged to participate in it, and I developed a friendship with my counselor and it progressed over 3 years. He kept asking what problem/issue I had to start going. And I said I didn't and he would not believe that I went to counseling for no problematic reason. I stated "well that's your opinion and I don't agree." and he answered "that's everyone's opinion." WHAAAAAAAT?!!?! So somehow, we get around to him recommending that I have psychological testing because my "episodes" could be "conversion" which is where a person internalizes problems/issues and it manifests itself in physical reactions or outbursts. I think it is pretty ridiculous for everything I have and am experiencing to be chalked up to psychological issues. So in the beginning of the appointment I was having seizures...and by the end, I have psychological issues. So, when checking out we requested my medical records and requested my further testing be held off for at least 2 weeks so that I can get a second opinion.

I have never felt so illegitimate, so offended, so overlooked, and overwhelmed that a medical professional...who's specialty is people's brains...could treat me, a patient, with such disrespect and show no concern for the fact that my right side feels dead and out of control.

So, I'll be calling my other Neuro in the AM to move up my appointment. Luckily I kept copies of everything I gave the doc so I can pass it on to someone who will READ IT, and hopefully we'll get some answers to this nonsense! We are super frustrated and disappointed that today didn't go better.

doctor doctor, give me some news

Faithful Followers of my Blog:

We go back to the Neuro tomorrow. We're packed and loaded with lots of papers, research, and questions to attack him with as soon as he opens the door. :) Sort of kidding...

Things have stabilized a little...but we do feel that my condition has definitely worsened, especially since the upped dosage in meds. As frustrated as we are, we are anxious for answers and solutions to whatever it is that's going on. From speaking with family and friends, the consensus is that everyone is concerned and believes that something bigger is going on that just me having a freak seizure. It's hard to trust a doctor you don't like, especially when you're being told that something doesn't sound quite right with your treatment. I never threw a fit when my pediatrician (who I definitely saw until I was 22) went through the motions and wrote me the beloved Amoxicillin prescription for my ear infections, sinus infections, etc. But people, we are talking about my brain here, not my ears. I would like to think that if I were a neurologist, I would take my job so seriously that I would limit my number of patients, surgeries, etc so that I had time to research, analyze, and be nearly 100% sure that what I was telling my patients was reliable information. Now, there's a reason I'm not a doctor, especially a neurologist, so I know I can't really speak into something I have no frame of reference for, but...I really want to believe that there are doctors out there that really care for people and the illnesses that ale them. But I may also know better.

On a lighter note, a friend suggested I start a TV critic blog since I'm watching so much TV these days and have an increased knowledge about shows, commercials, etc. I may not start a new one, but I may start sharing my expert opinions on this blog. I'm sure you'll be looking forward to that. One of my FAVORITE shows started last night, "Flipping Out." Jeff Lewis is a real-estate investor with a major case of OCD. The show is hilarious because he has extreme expectations and requests. This is a tribute to Jason Smith: "I want to change my drink order…Ideally 70% lemonade, 20% punch, 10% Sprite. If they don’t have fruit punch, do like 85% lemonade and 15% sprite. If they don’t have lemonade, do 85% punch and 15% sprite…or 7-Up." The show is on Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo (67 for those of you with Cox Cable.) It started last night, but you can catch that episode on Tuesday at 8pm if you want to be caught up for the new one at 9pm. People, laughter can add up to 8 years to your life. This show will help you meet your quota. If not, I'll give you your money back.

oh it's all the same

Well, I've had 2 more of the partial seizures...yesterday and today. I'm still having a lot of tingling and flash numbness and feeling weird on the right side. My doctor's going to get an earful from me in the morning. I'm tired of feeling this way and there has to be something else they can do besides allow me to feel the way I feel. So I'll be trading my $50/medication for potentially some more expensive medication to make me feel crazy and nuts. It's hard to believe it's already been 5 weeks...it's gone by fast.

Oh and I have a sunburn from my lovely time in the sun yesterday...during which I wore 50spf and spent a gay $9 on Coppertone continuous spray sunscreen only to have it give a neon pink stripe on my right leg, neon pink shoulders and back. Love it.

In other news, Ice Road Truckers, season 2 on the History channel started again and I got to catch up tonight. Booyah!

sleepy sleep

We finally had a night of restful sleep...and feel fairly good today. Hooray! Small victories!

job meeting results

We met with my supervisor and the county director today. We've agreed on leave without pay from now through July 7th (my next appointment) and I can apply for a longer period of leave if necessary at that time. In the meantime, we will be seeking a second opinion from another Neurologist and hoping to get my medication under control. We talked about jobs available for me in the future and got the information we needed to help make our decision when it is time. Our issue now is making sure my benefits continue while I'm on leave so that I can continue to get my medication and doctor visits without us spending a small fortune. Thanks for your prayers and support during this uncertain time! We moved back to our apartment last night and endured our first night back since the seizure. We didn't get tons of sleep, but it went better than expected. Keep us in your prayers, there's a lot of decisions to come in the coming weeks and months. We are hopeful that each day will continue to get a little easier as time unfolds.

more updates

Well, last night I had 2 focal motor seizures which are simple partial seizures with localized motor activity. Basically, my right arm moves about freely for 10-15 seconds without my control. This is not new...I've experienced it for 10-12 years of my life but didn't know it was a type of seizure. We discovered it was in the ER when I explained what had happened over the course of my life and the doctor said "that's a type of seizure." Cool. So, my medication was supposed to take it down from 90% to 5%. Well apparently I'm part of the 5%. I spoke with my Neurologist again this morning and he's having me take an additional dose to see if that helps. He stated I could move up to as much as 1000mg/ 3x a day. Right now I'm at 500mg/3x a day.

In other news, I meet with my supervisor and others on Monday at 3pm to figure out my work situation. Please pray that this will go smoothly and they will be super understanding of our situation and willing to be flexible while we get these seizures under control. Carl will be going with me.

Keep us in your thoughts. Each day has brought a new challenge and we are getting weary. We love you and appreciate your care and grace to us.

test results: (drumroll)

Well in a less than 3 minute conversation with my Neurologist, he told me that the EEG and MRI showed my brain to be normal and showed no abnormal activity. SO! I'll be maintaining my medication until July 7th when I go back for a re-evaluation with the Neurologist.

This was a pretty frustrating phone call for many reasons but mainly because we didn't get much information and have to move forward hoping that we don't have to go through this again. I'll be meeting with my Supervisor probably next week sometime to talk about the future of my job. Hopefully we'll reach a happy medium on what my job will need to look like in order for me to continue and the timeline for when that will be.

I'm still settling into the medication which could take up to a month for me to adjust. Thanks so much for your prayers and we continue to covet them as the future is just as uncertain and we are continuing to make adjustments to this "new normal."

Bummer in the Summer. Literally.

OETA is public television's best shot at the Discovery Channel. Except it sure repeats a lot. And it has Reading Rainbow instead of Deadliest Catch.

I look forward to the summer so that my skin can soak up the sun...except that I have so little energy that by the time I put my swimsuit on, I need a nap. So I tried that lotion that fools people. Well it's made me nauseous all morning.

Well...my bomb husband is picking me up for a field trip to our apartment so I can watch cable tv for the afternoon. Yesssssss!

No test results yet...still waiting for my phone to ring.

bye.

tests complete

Oh man! Why is it always hard to stay up when you don't want to? Carl and I made it through our sleep deprived night to prepare for the tests this morning. It was about 2:30am when we went to bed and about 5:30am when we got up. We took our sweet time showering, getting ready, and headed to Bev's for some pancakes around 6:30am. We ate breakfast and laughed for entirely no reason. Then we walked to Starbucks so Carl could have some coffee to wake up. On the way back to the car I said in some ridiculous voice "I'm wearing a Pike's Place tshirt and you're wearing a Pike's Place coffee!" Obviously I messed up wearing and holding. This was followed by messing up other words and laughing hysterically for absolutely no reason throughout the morning. When I laid down for my mid-morning rest between tests, I looked at Carl and started the quiet shake laugh for a good few minutes until I finally caught my breath.

Soooooo, the tests. The EEG was rediculous. I looked like Albert Einstein I'm sure when they got all the electrodes hooked up to my head. They had me hyperventilate for 3 minutes (controlled breathing hyperventilation) which made me cold and tingly and dizzy. Then I had to lay perfectly still for 10 minutes with my eyes closed. Then, they put a strobe light in front of my face and did 4 different settings on it. That part almost killed me I'm pretty sure. If you ever need to torture someone, make them stay up all night, then put a strobe light in their face...all after they've had a seizure of course.

Ookkkaaaayyy. Then the silly nap, and on to the MRI. They got us right in and we finally had a good experience with a medical professional! The radiologist was tight. She even let us look at the scans afterwards. Anyway, if you've never had an MRI, just imagine the part in Willy-Wonka where they are in the TV and everything is white and bright and glow-y. Then with all the boat sounds and vibrations and techno music-like noise I felt like I was being transported to another planet. I found all the imperfections inside the tube which helped me focus on holding perfectly still. It was great.(Haha!)

So anyway, I should get the results back on Monday. My brain looks awesome and very intelligent so it looks like things are shaping up positively.

Thanks to everyone who's been concerned, praying, and supporting us through this crazy time. Hopefully a sense of normal will return sooner than later and my medication will either be adjusted or my body will adjust and I can get off this couch!

going crazy

This medication is nuts-o. For a week I was laying on the couch, walking and sitting up very little. I've earned some outings being seizure free for 10 days now. I got to get a pedicure on Wednesday. I got to go to Target for 30 minutes to get some bermuda shorts (I almost fell over 4 times) and then a much needed massage which was heavenly. Today I sat in Carl's office while he was in a meeting and we went to lunch. That was plenty after climbing the stairs to the apartment so now I'm laying on the couch again.

Guess what?!!!

Our GAY dvr from Cox (hate them!) erased our recordings and didn't record all the ones I set up for this week...so now I'm watching a documentary about Blood Diamonds on the History channel.


Tonight, I have to be sleep deprived for my tests tomorrow. So I'll be up till 2am and then up at 5am to dilly dally until we check in at 8am to have my EEG and MRI tests. Then I'll get a much needed nap and shower and get to eat dinner with KT and Shenold and watch a movie while Carl shoots a wedding.


Pray for us as we do these tests and pray that the results come quickly and they find whatever they're looking for. We are hopeful and trust that the future is bright and full of lots of seizure free days! (Too bad that won't move up my driving date of November 20th.)

Sunday positive:

Target has bermuda shorts on sale.


Sunday negative: I can't drive till November.

seizures and such

Check here:www.carlzochphotography.blogspot.com for updates on how we're doing and what's been going on in the last 36 hours.

career testing

So, i just spent about 2 hours taking a bunch of different FREE career tests online.(What else am I going to do...I'm layed up from another root canal.) Unfortunately I don't think it told me anything I didn't know.....here's my results:

-You will excel in service occupations involving personal contact. 13% of the total population.

-You'll thrive in a career that lets you bring order out of chaos for yours is a talent for organization.

-You need the human connection in your work to feel genuine satisfaction in your career. So, you're a natural for any of the "helping" professions.


Great. Thank you. I also was told I needed a job with a risk-factor in order for me to get out of bed in the morning. I don't know what that's supposed to look like...Oh wait, don't I already risk my safety every day in my current job? Yea...that doesn't motivate me to get up every morning.

a word...

Dweeb.




I hope it makes you laugh like it did me when I heard it on the radio.

Mamasita

I know I recently wrote about how my mom's getting old and does things that make me say "Oh bless it..." but seriously, she's a great lady.

She's getting an award tomorrow at church that she doesn't know about. It's for distinguished service. She totally deserves it, even though I know she'll think she doesn't. I helped arrange for my G-parents, aunt, sister and nephew be here. It's worked out well since tomorrow is mother's day and my mom has no idea. She's just glad we're all here and together. We had dinner and chatted tonight.

I used to not like my family. There's still times that they make me mad and when they don't understand or know who I really am. But that's okay. Tonight I really enjoyed just being with everyone and having conversation. And hearing my grandparents laugh...

same ole post

It's really no surprise that I have to blog about my job again is it?

I've at least had the convo with my supervisor...she knows I'm looking for another job, she's supportive and even said "anyone would be lucky to have you as an employee...I'll definitely be sad to see you go, you're one of my best workers." I'm at least grateful that she's not pissed that I want to leave.

Hopefully I'll get some calls and have some interviews soon...otherwise I'll be quitting without a job to fall back on and resort to a Starbucks barista.

I haven't figured out what that thing is that clicks with me. I don't know what I'd like to do, I just know it isn't what I'm doing now. I know that I'd much rather live in Italy where they work 9 months and break for 3. I also know that I'd much rather live off Canon Beach and run a coffee shop for 6 months out of the year and travel the rest of it. I know that whatever it is I end up doing for a vocation needs to be something that makes me excited to get up in the morning and not totally bummed.

I know you've heard this all before...just have to get it out...again.

back to my mommy

Carl's been in Virginia since Thursday to co-shoot 2 weddings with Steve Watkins (who happened to shoot our wedding almost 1 year ago!!!) I'm one of those people who can't live alone. I shared a room with my sister for 16 years of my life, I had a roommate through college, and I got married after graduation so I've never had to live by myself and I've been very okay with it. So, while Carl's gone, I usually move back home for however long until Carl comes back. Since we've been married, this has usually been only a few days at a time. This time, it's 6 nights. As you read below, I've had some dental work done and been in some pain and drowsy for the last few days so it hasn't been a major deal. Well, except that I haven't slept very well because my mom snores like a freight train. Anyway, what was inevitable happened yesterday. I got lectured and mommy-ed by mi madre. I think it was just a relapse on her part since I've been living back at home for longer than usual. I'm over it.

I came to the realization yesterday that mom's getting older. Her truck had a flat so we jumped the toyota and she drove it to church. Well, she hit the wiper piece thinking it was the "gear shifter." She turned off the car, went inside, and the car starts rolling and runs itself up on a sidewalk. Luckily, she goes to church super early and there weren't any cars around (or people) and it hit the sidewalk before damaging anything else. SO, I get to church and all these people are asking me what was wrong with Carl's car (he drives it usually) and I'm like whaaaaaaaat are you talking about. I hear the story, they tell me they moved it off the sidewalk but it was still in neutral (actually "Drive"). So as we leave, I walk my mom to the car, indeed, it was in "drive" and the key had been taken out improperly and been running down the battery. That's not all, since being here, she's talked to Bauer like he's a human, and I find her humming and singing to herself and later denying it when I ask her. Oh, and her speaking voice is incredibly loud!

Bless it...

dentistry

Like 99% of everyone alive, I hate the dentist. I had my regular check up a week ago. At that appointment, I found out my previous dentist of 23 years was a fraud. He told me I wouldn't have to have my wisdom teeth removed (I do), he put on stainless steel crowns which he told me were permanent (they're not). Okay, so at my check up, I was told I had a periodontal infection and would need a laser treatment and some antibiotics. I was told my stainless steel crowns would need to be removed as they are meant to be temporary and the 3 years I'd had them on already was outrageous. I had a small filling. Oh, and my wisdom teeth would need to be removed.

So, yesterday, I was supposed to have my laser treatment, filling done and my crowns replaced with porcelain ones. My appointment started at 10am. It was supposed to be 2-3 hours. Upon removing my crowns, the dentist found that both of my teeth were decayed and very soft. One was able to be fixed and a crown placed over it. The other had to have a root canal. They ask me, on happy gas, if I'll consent to the root canal. I say "might as well since i'm already here." So they put me on oxygen, get me coherent enough to sign paperwork and have me sign my new bill, and then put me back on the happy gas to continue. SO, root canal....oh, and I had been in the chair so long my Novocaine and topical treatment were wearing off so I had to have more shots. Okay, so by this time, they can't put the crown over the tooth that had the root canal because it needs to heal, so i had to have another temporary crown put on (which is larger and doesn't allow my mouth to close or bite to line up...awesome.) So it's 2pm!!! Only 1 crown on and a root canal with a shotty temporary crown. $600 later, I'm walking out of the office like a severely inebriated individual and somehow drove myself to get highlights from Christina. And i forget to have them call in my pain medication and antibiotics. So i call with a 1/2 numb mouth, sore jaw, and rediculous speaking voice. My mom miraculously picks them up after I suffered for 4 hours in the hair chair.

On the bright side, Christina did a BOMB job! On the not-so-bright side, I have another 3 hour appointment Monday to have my filling done and temporary crown removed and replaced with my porcelain one. Hopefully I'll be done with the dentist for a while...gee whiz.

goodness lives

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOkay. SO, I'm doing some grocery shopping at the Die For Less...call my mom, Bauer needs dog food. Got it. It's only on the bottom shelf, and 30 pounds. No problem. I got it on that bottom shelf part of the cart. I manage to find all the stuff I need, get to the checkout, lift the bag from the bottom to the top. The cashier so nicely and easily lifts the bag, *beep*, and then puts it back in my cart...but setting it up so all the weight is at the bottom and he puts it at the end of the cart so it's top heavy at the skinny end making it incredibly hard to start and stop. Oh great.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay. SO, I get all the million and one bags into the backseat and move the cart around to the other side to put it in the car. This very intimidating bald man, sees me about to hoist it into my backseat and says to me: "I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying if there's a real man around, you shouldn't be." (Correctly assuming I know what he's talking about.) I thought for a second about saying "No really, I didn't need help getting it from the bottom shelf to my cart, or the cart to the checkout, so I'm pretty sure I can get it from the cart to my backseat." But instead I said "Thank you" and put my cart up and leave.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay. SO, I'm at the stoplight, windows down, and hear "Mine eats a lot less." There's my knight holding up a snow white Pomeranian. I say "I bet that's nice!" He tells me "Yea, she eats an 8lb bag of that Natural stuff from Pets Mart in 2 weeks." I say "Well it looks like it's working out for her huh." He says "Yea...ever since my ex-wife left we've been buddies." Oh dang...that sucks. But I smile and wave because the light turned green.



Thank you kind sir for proving that random acts of kindness do exist. And thank you also for being the intimidating Mr. Clean with a tiny fluffy white yappy dog.

artsy

I started my oil painting class tonight with Vo-Tech. The teacher is 68 with country western hair and the most forgetful person ever. It took us almost 2 hours to even start painting. And then I did it the way she explained and she called me out in front of the whole class. I actually was doing what she said but she felt it necessary to come over and show me anyway. Whatever.

At least all my classmates are over 50 so I have a pretty good shot at being the best. (I'm not competitive)

being american

I need a car that doesn't get broken into.

I need someone to pay off my ridiculous private collegiate education.

I need a job I don't hate.

I need a purchased home with hardwood floors and a red door.

I need an income that can support our dreams that won't require me to work 12 hour days.




Much love,

Me being okay with my selfish American tendencies.

boily shmoily

Traditions never die. We enjoyed our yearly trip to the Herbert Ranch to enjoy some good 'ole southern seafood of crawfish, shrimp, potatoes and corn this weekend. It was great to see our friends from far and wide. We'll see you next year!

why i'll forever be a renter

Wouldn't a Monday night movie be lovely?

Part 1: Cara hits an unknown substance with her hydroplane flip-flops and falls to her knee only to drench her entire right leg jean from the knee down in said unknown substance. *skins knee. *my lovely husband gets Cara load of napkins to dry her jeans.

Part 2: 2 female moviegoers decide that in the entire theater, the seat they most covet is the one where my knee is healing, jeans are drying, and feet are resting. Don't think for one second that I didn't say "Seriously?!" in a not-so-movie-friendly voice.(*it's probably helpful that you know these 2 newcomers made the total count in the theater to a whopping 12. We proceeded to move 4 seats down to regain my footrest.

Part 3: Towards the end of the movie, in the heartfelt part when I'm on the verge of tears, some peeps behind us think this is a great time to make noise. I excused the noise as crying...but then realized it was muffled laughing and began to hate them.


Conclusion: We will continue to enjoy the Red Box and our living room.


It's also humorous to know that previously this evening...
-We froze on the patio at On the Border. (turns out it wasn't that warm after all)
-Carl got "the hand" from a saleslady at Helzburg Diamonds when she was looking us up in the computer so that my ring could be cleaned and checked.
-Cara got the speech about not having her Helzburg card from the saleslady. Cara tells the lady it was in her wallet when her wallet was stolen. Lady can't find our account and asks for help. Other lady helping us was about as exciting as my 16th birthday surprise party. (Not exciting.)
-Cara takes her wedding bands to Gordan's to have them cleaned and checked. Lady asks for the paperwork. I don't have it on me. Cara has to listen to second speech about how important it is to have your paperwork with you when your ring is being checked.

mindless

I won't go as far as to say " I enjoy mindless housework like empty-ing the dishwasher, ironing, sweeping, putting away clothes, or cleaning." That would give my beloved Carl a reason to not do the above mentioned items. However, I will say that today was the first time that I used an iron since probably middle school. No joke. The invention of that wrinkle-releaser spray was for me and people like me. Anyway, I had picked up laundry the other day that I'd left at my mom's because it was already 11pm and it wasn't dry yet. So, I picked it up. Of course it's been in the dryer for something like 18 hours by this point and most of it's wrinkled. I say to myself "screw it" and put it in the grocery bags and leave. Well, I wanted to wear one of the items today but knew it was wicked wrinkly. Knowing I haven't used an iron in something like 8-10 years, I didn't really want to break my record. However, it was a new dress and I really wanted to wear it so I busted out the iron...and I even threw down my ironing skills old school on the dining room table with a towel between the table and my dress. I did a bomb job. There was something so therapeutic for me about making all those dog-gone wrinkles disappear. So of course, I clean out my closet making bags of clothes to give to Goodwill and finding other items that needed a good ironing. By the end of it, I felt so much better. Just the simple act of making wrinkles disappear. Well and I had just purged myself of 3 paper bags of pajama pants, t-shirts, and other items I can no longer wear, so I'm sure that helped too. And I put away all my clean clothes and made our bed. So now, I'm sitting on the couch so relaxed and thankful for tasks that have become therapeutic for me...even if that means I'm doing them alone.

i don't know.

I'm driving to training on Thursday morning...it's all the way in Norman, so it's a nice thinking drive. I pass a man driving a brand new SUV with one of those christian fish on the back. He's smoking with the windows up. I immediately start thinking to myself..."Can you be 'Christian' and smoke?" And then I took it further because I'm sure you can be "Christian" and do pretty much anything. But, can you do something that you know has the potential to kill you? But then, can't you really say that about driving? I could die driving a car...but I still drive a car. I don't know...

My training this month was on child sexual abuse. Needless to say I was mentally and emotionally exhausted last night from processing all the information and trying to decide if there's any room for redemption in the lives of people who do such horrible things to children. And then I was so paranoid that everyone in the grocery store was a child molester or rapist that I left and asked my mom to come over and keep me company till Carl got home 2 hours later. I'm sure that sounds lame, but that's just part of who I am I guess. I'm also still scared of the dark and can't stay anywhere by myself over night. So there, I'm super lame.

So I don't know. Sometimes questions with no answers drive me crazy. This weekend I'm pretty much okay with just leaving them alone for now.

Any answers?

Walley World

So it's no secret I don't like Wal-Mart. Almost 2 years ago, I came across a website called "Wake-Up-WalMart.com" I began learning how WalMart paid men more than women, they denied their employees health benefits, and imported more products from China than any other superstore or chain in America. I started boycotting and refused to buy anything at Wal-Mart. Yes, it's more annoying, but I somehow feel like I'm changing just a little part of the world by not supporting the monster that is the "Big Box." It's okay if you don't agree with me. It's okay (i guess) if you choose to support Wal-Mart. I just hope it's a little harder after reading the facts about the company.

I'm not technologically savvy so just copy and paste the links for some anti-walmart videos done by Wake-Up-Walmart.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvxaA3h0iPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCxcH5q7qDA



http://www.wakeupwalmart.com
-the news section is overflowing with stories of ex-employees and their experiences during and after working for WalMart not the least of which is the brain-damaged woman in Missouri who now owes WalMart almost $500,000. What a world...

a baby is born...

yep. i got paid to watch a live birth today. my new case, a 14 year old girl who's in our custody, gave birth to a baby boy around lunch time. he's really cute, but he has the most vortex of a cone-head I've ever seen. maybe all babies do when they first come out but still. it was wicked cone-y.

the girl did great. she threw up off and on through the delivery which surprisingly was the only part of the birth that made me want to vomit. anyway, she did great. no complications, no tearing, no stitches, no nothing. this is a pretty sweet deal considering she is 4'11'', weighs about 100 pounds, and has very small hips.

now that i've seen a baby born, i'm even more okay sticking to the 6-8 year plan of Carl and I's to become parents.

well, so tomorrow i get to place her baby in custody and hopefully in the same foster home as hers. and i'll get to hold baby boy unknown!

"My Michigan"...though some deny it.

So, I was in Michigan March 6-9th. While it wasn't a nice change in weather (10-32 degrees!) it was a nice break from my job. I did pretty good at not checking my work phone either. (Yay me.) Pretty much all we did was eat, wear sweat pants, watch tv, and a little shopping. My shopping was at Forever 21 and Target. Now I know you're like "Target! We have those here moron!" Okay, but you have to understand that last year in Michigan was my glorious $7 jeans from Target and since I can't wear them right now, I was sure that Michigan was holding at least another pair of cheap jeans. (I was right! and 2 pairs at that!) The other shopping was watching Bennett drop some cash at Pottery Barn Outlet and The North Face Outlet. (I got a BOMB backpack for 60%off)

My favorite part of the trip was being with 2 friends that are capable of being what I call pause/unpause friends. They're the friends that when you're not together for a while, and then you get to spend some time together you just pick up where you left off. I absolutely love that I have these friends that don't freak out about stupid stuff.

For some reason, I was obsessed with facts about Michigan on this trip. "My Michigan" is the state song, but most Michiganders dispute it's authenticity as the state song. Michigan is basically a lot of towns with around 100,000-150,000 people about 20-30 minutes apart, with the exception of the capitol, Lansing. Michigan also has the most golf courses of any other place in the world
. This is interesting to me because Michigan is covered in snow for 1/2 the year. But trust me folks we drove by a ton. Residents of Michigan are referred to as "Michiganders." Detroit is the car capitol of the world. (duh) The world's largest manufacturer of magic supplies is in Michigan. Michigan has the world's only floating post office. At any place in Michigan, you are no more than 85 miles from a Great Lake.


I hope you feel smarter. I know I am.


Oh, and if you drive from Michigan to Oklahoma, you get to drive through 5 states in 15 hours. (Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and Oklahoma) And you get to drive through towns like Brazil, Cuba, Paris, Teutopolis, and Effingham. Couscous is made in Effingham...in case you didn't know.


That's all. Michigan is cool. (pun intended)

my michigan vacation

I leave Thursday. I'm so pumped to be off of work and out of the state for 4 days. I may even leave my work cell phone behind! Hazaaa!


I get to spend Thursday with Bennett on a plane flying to Detroit. Emily will pick us up and we'll drive an hour to Flint! We'll be there till Sunday morning early early early. Then, we'll load up Emily's Pontiac Grand Am and make our reunion tour road trip back to OKC. We're going to eat Mongolian Bar-B-Q and see the sights of all Michigan has to offer...again!

it's been a while since...

...i talked about how much I don't like my job.

This time I'll just be complaining about the disconnect between what we call "the field" (actually doing the job of a child welfare worker) and training.


I have 2 days of training a month. By the end of June, I will have completed all the necessary trainings to reach Level II status which means a raise (a whole $2,000/year) and more trainings to reach Level III status. I've been doing the monthly training since November. What I've noticed is that the trainers tend to be employees of DHS for at least 15+ years. Most of the time it's more like 25+. They did the same job we did...about 20 years ago. So, I hope you can guess from that that things have changed over the years.

Okay, here's my issue. I sat on the back row (such a rebel) with 12 of my CORE buddies. Most of us have been doing our job 6-7 months now. Almost everything told to us by these trainers seems to be outdated, untrue, or different than has been told to us previously, or by those in our office (supervisors, etc.)and usually different than is practiced in offices today. SO...are these 2 day trainings really to my advantage? If I'm learning old methods and outdated material that no longer pertains to my job...aren't I wasting my time, gas, money?


The best part of today was sitting at Boomerang eating chicken fingers and cheese fries and complaining with my fellow co-workers about how much we hate this job. It didn't fix any of issues I have with my job, but I at least felt better knowing that I wasn't the only one.

movement

March 1st we'll have a new home, lovingly entitled "the Dave Ramsey Penthouse Apartment."

Anyone needing to gain some community service hours or jewels for their heavenly crown, let us know. We love help.



Stop worrying. The carpet has been professionally cleaned (today in fact) and the pest control spraying is 10 days before we move in. What more could we ask for.

whats up doc

So I went to the doctor this morning...and it turns out that I apparently actually am allergic to our apartment which is why I've been sick so long. After going over all my symptoms and home/work environments, my doctor said that there's most likely something in the apartment that has/is aggravating is has created a new allergy.

Sweet.

tv movies and cold medicine

Welcome to any day in the last 2 months where I haven't had to work. It usually involves TV movies (which I include movies on TBS etc.) laying on the couch(es) and staying on top of taking my medicine. Well...I think my body's rejecting all forms of medicine because it's not making me any better, just makes me a different kind of sick. Like around Thanksgiving, Carl was sick with a regular cold. I got it upon our return home. That proceeded to turn into a bronchial infection or something with lots of coughing. So, then I got over the coughing (or so I thought) and now I have some sort of sinus infection or something and I can't breathe consistently out of my nose and therefore my mouth/throat are dry. I've been sleeping mediocre. Today I've been pretty much just laying and sleeping and watching TV. This is getting really old.

In other news, that 17 year old that ran away is doing really well. We traveled to Tulsa twice this week to check out a facility and he was admitted yesterday. To his dismay, he's really enjoying it and thinks me may complete the treatment plan after all. Hooray and Hallelujah! We've had some pretty serious conversations on the 2 road trips this week. I'm pretty knowledgeable about drugs and "street lingo" if you have any questions.


Another thing. All these home buying, flipping, fixing up your home shows are making me angry at the Dave Ramsey Apartment and the fact that we weren't "blessed" with instant wealth. (Sarcasm people...please laugh) But seriously, this girl that I work with just bought a 2008 H3. They moved into their 2,000 sf "starter home" last month that they were able to build. She got an iphone the day they came out. and then broke it and got another one. She wears "designer jeans" (whatever that means) and carries designer bags (s/a Fendi and Gucci) She already had a 2004 Acura with GPS and leather. But she said it was "getting old." Oh...she makes me laugh so hard. Especially when I ask if she wants to ride in the 1990 Toyota with automatic seatbelts and she says "It's okay, I'll drive." Hahahaha....

MLK Hay Day

2 parades. (Guthrie and OKC)
Lunch and Dinner.
Friends and Family.
Lots of Walking.
Being Cold.

=
_______________
The best holiday I've had and understood in the same day.




PS. White people....you need to care about major figures in history and support them and the days that honor them even when they're not white. So go to a parade or SOMETHING and don't sit in your car with the windows rolled up. Stand alongside and/or walk with someone different than you and talk with them. Share the experience. Share Life. Love each other.

now accepting

warm birthday wishes.


hooray for being 23.







tomorrow.

Go CW Go

Nothing like a 16 hour day to get a crack-head teen runaway a placement.

That's right people...it all started with the phone call at 4:26am.(Wouldn't have been so bad had I been asleep before 1am.) My day finally ended at 8pm with the teen in a lock down facility to get the help he needs. We had some good conversations today after he sobered up. (Don't worry, he tested .40 for alcohol at 2:30am and it took him till noon to be coherent.) I think it finally hit home when he couldn't remember anything since Saturday. Hopefully he cleans up so he stays out of jail.

At least he's safe now and I can finally sleep.

All in a days work...

free

Currently we need:

A Free Car

A Free gift of $50,000 to pay off our college educations.

A Free house with hardwood floors and a big enough backyard for Bauer.

All applicant's with one or all of the above qualification can apply between the hours of 12am and 12pm M-Sun.

We appreciate you.

it can happen

I think it's possible that there are jobs out there that you can't find the positive in. I don't tell people the negatives of my jobs because it's fun, it's just the answer to their question happens to be negative.

Agree? Disagree?